30 Oct 2026 · 2h 44m · Joe Rogan, Steve Rannazzisi, Big Jay Oakerson · 21 quoted facts
This is a free-wheeling comedy hangout in which Joe Rogan and the three Legion of Skanks hosts trade stories about medicine, death, animals, fetishes, cars and food. Beneath the jokes, the recurring theme is that people and institutions, from hospitals to tech companies to the church, often behave worse and more strangely than the rules suggest.
The episode drifts from organ donation and medical errors to wildlife, self-driving Teslas and burgers, then lands on the history of radio shock-jock culture. The tension is between uninhibited, offensive comedy and a culture the guests say now punishes it, which they argue led them to embrace a subscription model and openness about being offensive.
Joe Rogan says organs can't be taken from someone dead for hours; they must be recovered quickly while still oxygenated. He worries that profit creates gray areas around when someone is declared unlikely to survive.
Joe cites mercury, PCBs and PFAS 'forever chemicals' washing from runoff into lakes. A Perplexity search read aloud says risk depends on species, water body and frequency of eating.
Joe says Waymo relies on LIDAR while Teslas use cameras, and a San Francisco power outage stalled Waymos. Elon Musk publicly said he'd warned about this.
Joe argues Opie and Anthony and Ron and Fez let comics simply hang out without rigid segments, unlike Howard Stern's controlled interviews. He calls it the birth of podcasting.
Luis says Jay proposed calling it the most offensive podcast on earth so audiences knew what to expect. Joe adds that going subscription early let them avoid advertiser pressure.
According to Joe Rogan, generally no: organs must still be getting oxygen, so they're recovered right after the heart stops. Being dead for hours and then brought to a morgue means the organs are no longer usable.
Joe says freshwater fish often contain contaminants like mercury, PCBs and PFAS, so you shouldn't eat them often. The search result he read says risk depends on the species and the body of water.
Joe says Waymo depends on LIDAR (laser-based sensing) and related infrastructure, so when the grid goes down the cars stalled. He says Elon Musk responded that he'd warned about this approach.
Joe says several people were arrested after hacking their Teslas to turn on Full Self-Driving, which is normally a paid subscription. The article he read also said the feature is only legally approved on certain US-built models there.
It's the comedy festival run by the Legion of Skanks hosts, set for November 13th through 15th in New Orleans. They say it's the 10th anniversary, features a naked roast battle, and has no industry passes.
Stated by the speakers. Each quote matches the transcript, which shows what was said, not that it is true.
Joel Wallach wrote the book Dead Doctors Don't Lie, which focuses on nutritional supplements.
“There's a book called Dead Doctors Don't Lie, by Joel Wallach. Interesting book, but one. It's mostly about, like, nutritional supplements and how really nutrition is the foundation of health.”
A search result read on air says freshwater fish can contain mercury, PCBs and PFAS.
“Freshwater fish can contain contaminants, especially mercury, PCBs and PFAS that accumulate in their w- in the from their water and food.”
Joe Rogan says he ate a sheep's eyeball and a Madagascar hissing cockroach on Fear Factor.
“Because of fear factor, I've eaten insane things.”
Joe Rogan says Survivorman predated Bear Grylls's show and featured the host filming himself alone.
“Survivor man had a show 1st, and Survivor man, he doesn't bring anybody with him, he does everything by himself”
Jordan Jonas killed a moose with a bow and fought off a wolverine with an axe on the show Alone.
“Jordan had to fight off a wolverine with an axe, cause the wolverine was trying to steal the fat from his moose.”
Joe Rogan says a study of mountain lions in the San Francisco area found about half their diet was pets.
“They fucking captured mountain lions in San Francisco, and they do a a they check out their digestion, see what they're eating. 50% of their diet was pets.”
Shannon Larratt, brother of arm wrestler Devon Larratt, ran Body Modification Extreme.
“Do you know Devin LaRott, the world champion arm wrestler? Do you know who that guy is? Yeah, his brother was the guy who ran, uh, body modification extreme.”
A search result read on air says Viagra was originally developed for high blood pressure and chest pain and may reduce cancer spread.
“Viagra may reduce cancer metastasis. Wow, Viagra was originally developed to treat high blood pressure and chest pain caused by reduced blood flow to the heart.”
Bjork attacked a photographer after arriving in New Zealand for a concert in 2008.
“She attacked a paparazzi photographer after arriving in New Zealand for a concert. This is in what year was this?”
A search result says honking in New York City is illegal except as a warning of imminent danger, with fines from $800 to $2,500.
“Honking a car horn in New York City is illegal unless used as a warning of imminent danger.”
Joe Rogan says Waymos use LIDAR while Teslas use cameras, and Waymos stalled in a San Francisco outage.
“Waymos operate on LIDAR, whereas Teslas operate on cameras. So the problem with LIDAR, when the grid goes down, so does a car.”
People in South Korea were arrested for hacking Teslas to enable Full Self-Driving.
“a bunch of people got arrested recently in South Korea because they had hacked into their Teslas and they had enabled full self-driving, which is a subscription thing.”
Joe Rogan says his Tesla Model S Plaid goes zero to sixty in 1.6 seconds.
“I have the Model S Plaid, and when I'm at a red light, it just goes like, if I want the light turns green, it goes, Pssh, you're just gone.”
Luis J. Gomez says San Sebastian, Spain has many Michelin-star restaurants per square meter and a famed burger spot.
“in San Sebastian, Spain, called Bar Desi, and the”
Ari Shaffir and Bobby Kelly reportedly visited a top-rated restaurant in Spain.
“Ari and Bobby Kelly went to, uh, what's considered the best, you know, restaurant in the world, somewhere in Spain.”
Joni Mitchell released Don Juan's Reckless Daughter in 1977, with a cover showing her in blackface as 'Art Nouveau'.
“Joni Mitchell released the album Don Juan's Reckless Daughter. The cover of that album featured an African American man named Art Nouveau”
Joe Rogan says Legion of Skanks succeeded by moving to a fan subscription model early.
“you went subscription early on. You're like, Look, fuck advertising, fuck all this. Let's just like, have this.”
Joe Rogan says the Opie and Anthony 'baby bird' stunt, in which Pat Duffy had vomit thrown into his mouth, was based on his idea from Fear Factor.
“it was basically my idea, uh, cause of fear factor. I was like, why don't you lay your head over that barrel and he'll throw up in your mouth?”
Joe Rogan says Howard Stern dominated the scarce syndicated morning radio slot before the internet widened competition.
“The other thing was that, like, when you think about back then, there was only a few slots, so there was one morning slot from six a.m. to 10 a.m. that everybody wanted.”
Joe Rogan says comedian Michael 'Chicken' Roof received the biggest development deal at the time, which then fell through.
“it was confusing. You would watch his comedy, you're like, What are they laughing at? I don't understand.”
Luis J. Gomez says he, Dave Smith and Big Jay Oakerson glued their shaved pubic hair to Ari Shaffir's face as a punishment on Legion of Skanks.
“The punishment for Ari was, though, me, Dave Smith and Big J shaved all of our pubes and we glued them to Ari to make a Hitler mustache.”
The group jokes about bad doctors, then Joe explains how organ donation depends on a donor still being alive and oxygenated.
“in order for you to do donate your organ, you have to actually be alive.”
A tangent through church scandals and past racist entertainment leads to a debate on how attitudes shifted.
“This was before World War II, so it was just o- openly fine”
Death customs lead into a fish-filleting contest the hosts lost and then freshwater fish contamination.
“their tradition is to take the bodies up to the top of a mountain”
Talk of reality survival shows moves to animal attacks and deer behavior.
“Jordan had to fight off a wolverine with an axe”
Pet stories and fireworks accidents spiral into a doctor who had his own legs amputated.
The group compares anger behind the wheel, then discusses Full Self-Driving, Waymo and car subscriptions.
“you're already at seven cause you're in a car.”
Luis raves about a Spanish burger while the rest debate McDonald's, Wendy's and steak.
“I took the last bite of this burger and I got emotional”
Joe credits Opie and Anthony with launching podcasting, and the hosts promote Skankfest.
“I always say that that's the birth of podcasting.”
Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan experience Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.
Pretty ballsy move to do dressing out of someone's ass and have that work out for you night after night. Yeah, and I I don't think it ever failed. I never. The one night where it was like, Ah, dude, uh, m, keep the dressing sealed. No how many one said, Yes,
times did that guy get pinkeye?
you fucked up.
It must be off the charts. He must be like the number one pinkeye patient.
Yeah, well, when he wrote the when he wrote the joke, it was definitely. It's like when a guy becomes a gynecologist, he assumes, like, Well, it's all gonna be hot chicks coming to show me their pussies. And then he has to end up doing it to, like, fat Philly women as they come on stage.
A guy who does that, like, if if that's what you're doing all the time, you're working on vaginas. Like, that's like a cop who's like constantly pulling over people who are lying to them. You just assume everybody's fucked up, cause you're only dealing with, like, mostly broken people, people breaking the law. piece of Like, you're only dealing shit. with broken pussies.
yeah, the ones that are, yeah, they're not. The perfect ones aren't in there. They're not like, Hey, does this still look perfect?
By the time someone's going to a pussy, doctor, especially a male pussy doctor, which is really odd, it's really odd. All the different things that you could choose to work on, the brain, the eyes, you're like, eh, vagina.
If you would ask me when I was 13, that woulda been my dream job. Yeah, I mean, Pussy doctor, you thought
he was 13. so, yeah,
and then you thought you're like, Well, all these porn stars must have to go to a doctor. I'll be that guy. I'm not going We gotta throw to, I'm not going these hot
to. I'm not going to chicks, pussy doctor school for eight years, that's crazy. yeah, there's gotta
be some of em that are well, a lot of dr. A lot of doctors, uh, get into drugs. They because they can prescribe them, and they prescribe them to each other. Like, uh, like, I have a doctor friend and he's always on something, he's always doing something, he's always taking things like, I need this for that, I need this for that. Like, they just take a pill, like there's a lot of them. There's a book called Dead Doctors Don't Lie, by Joel Wallach.
Interesting book, but one. It's mostly about, like, nutritional supplements and how really nutrition is the foundation of health. Not going to the doctor, and that most of these doctors are really out of their fucking head. And he was just talking all these different stories in the book about different doctors that die of overdoses in the middle of a fucking operation, like, Well, that's Jesus the number one cause what?
of death, eh? Or right? Or like, one of the top causes of death is malpractice by doctors. They ca- like, hospitals are regularly fucking up.
Yeah, they fuck up malpractice or something happens during an operation is like the 3rd leading cause of death. Yeah,
That's the worst. He goes, All right, we're gonna cut that tumor out. What after I get these spiders out from under my skin? I'll be right back. I have to go scratch for a little bit. hitch away,
a friend of mine, his wife, went to the doctor because she had to get a kidney removed, and they removed the wrong kidney.
what?
They removed the good one.
oh. And then finished it and were like, you're good to go, and then you figured out they They figured figured
it out afterwards, and he, you know, there's a lawsuit, the whole thing, you know, he won, didn't he,
what the fuck.
When they pulled it out, do you think they were like, Looks good? bro? I've heard What? What of people getting do I know?
the wrong leg amputated. Like, there's a lot of, What's the like,
review process like on that? When they sit everyone down, like, how, what went wrong here? It's like, honestly, everyone did everything right, except for the fucking guy who got the wrong fucking kidney.
it's like everything else, man. These guys are shitty drivers, but they still have a license. You know, these guys are terrible, these guys
That's true.
are terrible carpenters. You hire hire them to build your house, and you go over the work. Like, what the fuck is this? I think a
lot of work like that is. It's just people always that are willing to do it, whether they're good or not, doesn't matter. yeah, they're, It's just being
they're the ones.
willing to do it. Like, I'm not a willing to do it guy, cause I go well, I'll do it bad. But a lot of people are just like, I'll figure it out, yeah, there's I'll figure it there's also just out.
some shithead who was like, All right, I'm gonna make it through law school, and then that's that. Like, I could have gone to law school technically and
No, you can do that, you can
become a lawyer or go to the
isn't that?
medical school.
They make movies about? There's a there's like Bahamas schools you can go to that, like, it
Really?
takes, it takes nothing. Yeah, like, anybody can get in, yeah, and if, you know, if you've, if you graduate with CS, you're a fucking doctor. Technically.
like, if you go to medical He's school in Mexico, can't you just take a test and then come over here and be a doctor here? There's no test like Then why that. do everybody always they don't say the cab drivers
allow that.
are doctors?
Well, there's a difference between driving cars and like, that's a big problem with commercial vehicles. They just give illegals commercial vehicle operations, and these motherfuckers don't know how to drive these trucks at all. And some of these huge accidents that we've seen over the last few years, it turns out that a lot of them are illegal. Oh, really, Yeah, they just get. But if you're a doctor and you're a doctor, say, in India, and you come over to America, you have to go through a whole lengthy procedure to get licensed in America.
that's always like the joke of it. It was like your cab driver is like, Well, I was a I was a spinal surgeon back where I'm from, but now I'm now. I smell like this.
You guys know that that story about the the one guy who, uh, there was, uh, I guess his kid, his like adult kid. But his kid was like in a coma. And they were gonna like, take him off life support. And then the dad was like, No, he, I can, I can tell he's still, there's something left there, he's not gonna die. And then he brought a gun and he had like a a, like a two-day standoff with, like, the police.
oh, Jesus Christ, And then his kid came out of the coma and the kid survived. He went to jail for like a year, but he saved his kid's life. holy fuck, wow, Did you
have you seen the phenomena? Everyone keeps reminding me? Cause I forgot about the Anne Heche when they were taking her out like her dead body, basically. And it popped up and sat up and they shove her back down and put her in the
Oh, it was like a big conspiracy. ambulance.
yeah, but she might have been dying. I mean, she was in a horrible car accident where she ran into a house on drugs.
But they she was like in a body bag, and Was she they pushed in a body her back down.
bag?
Yeah, oh, I think she, like, comes out of it. I think it's like unzipped.
Really?
what? She's popped back up. She pops Yeah, she, like, back up, but
deleted it, but she had apparently, but apparently it.
there's phenomenon of that happening, like there's video you can see in morgues. Like, Or dead things happen in the body
people?
where the dead person's like, you know, like, like, their arm will completely go up, and so they just like stiffen in a weird way. And like,
Well, there's been people that they brought to the morgue that came back to life
that's crazy, I know.
that they thought were dead and weren't dead. They just had such a low heartbeat that Voodoo they just assumed they're dead. Uh, some people just, uh, uh, get to the door and don't go through and pop back out. But there's another problem. The problem is organ donors, you know? Um, in order for you to do donate your organ, you have to actually be alive. So the way they donate organs is like, if you die in a car accident and then they bring you to the hospital.
You've been dead for 2 hours, they're not donating any organs. You
Oh, really. have to be Oh
Yeah, I thought that was alive. the whole thing was like, yeah, but I could take
I'm dead.
my, they could take my dead organs.
yeah, that's what you think. And so this is the problem is if they want those organs and they're pretty sure you're gonna die and you're not gonna make it. they take The question,
them out of you while you're alive,
the question is, who makes the call? And there have been times where people said, No, you're not gonna do this, and then the person survives, where they wanted to make the call and start harvesting organs. This person's dying, they're not gonna make it, but we would like his kidney. It matches this guy it's cause who's.
they need em, like, for I guess, if you die, they start to rot That's all or something.
speculation. I don't know why, you know, I don't know what the thing is, but the
It's like, hostile.
but what happens is you have to be alive when they're actually pulling those organs. My brother-in-law And so they'll say, you're has brain dead, and maybe a lot of people are brain dead. And look, I have a friend of mine who has a fake heart, but not, excuse me, not a fake heart. He got a heart from somebody else, he got a donated heart. So it's like, it really helps people.
Yeah, my brother-in-law has, uh, my brother-in-law has 2 lungs, he has transplanted lungs.
Cold preservation typical window between organ recovery and transplantation. So this is right after they pull them out of the body, they have to do it very quickly, but when they pull them out of the body, I believe you have to actually be alive,
Yeah, yeah, it's that they can't be oxygen deprived, it says.
right? Okay, so what does it say?
The kidney transplant is usually like, both people there, right?
Yeah, they just take one out and put it in.
that's it, that's if you're like your white, like George Lopez's wife donated a kidney to him. So there's 1 cut off. The key is whether the organs are still getting oxygen, not simply how long the person's been declared dead. The biggest distinction between the organs left without circulation and organs that a doctor promptly recover and preserve for transplant. So, if, like, at the moment where your heart stops beating, they get it out of you, they can probably use it.
But this idea that, like, you could be dead, and then they bring you to the morgue and then they can take your organs, that's not how it works.
I I signed up to be a organ donor because I assumed that it was like, y- you get into a car accident, you're dead, they can you can give your organ organs away. But now it's like, do they you think they really give the 110? Like, can I take that back? Don't cut me open Yeah, and then just hold yeah, how your license do I scratch
up to you. that off my And they go
license?
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com slash Rogan. That's ZipRecruiter. com slash Rogan. ZipRecruiter. Meet your match on ZipRecruiter. Sorry, Yeah, sorry, dude, that's yeah, here's what I'm afraid the. I mean, of. I'm not accusing anybody of doing this. But when you are, when you have a thing where you can profit from it, you run into like weird gray areas where people can make subjective calls. They can make a decision whether or not you live or die. And they might be wrong, they might be right 99 times out of 100, but that one time, if that's your niece, and then you know what I mean, like, that's someone you love, whoever it is, and then If it's me, though, you
when I say if they're gonna kill me, if it's between killing me to give someone whatever they need from me, which I'm sure my organs are garbage.
Your fatty liver, I mean, you're gonna put your fatty liver into somebody. imagine Can you imagine? So we're gonna take it in a large heart and put it into a small won't fit into a his child smells child.
like Marlboros.
so. He had that Christian Slater movie that had been the outside of his body.
he's like, Oh so, we have a black lung here? Dude, sorry, bro, Yeah, so you don't life sucks want two dead
as you're doing it.
feet, we just gonna clean it out before we put it in. You,
But that's a wild yeah. My brother-in-law has 2 lungs that aren't his. It's so weird oh my god, and that's a life you have to live. Like, uh, it's funny. He couldn't come see. I opened for Shane at the Lincoln Financial Field, and my whole family came to that in Philadelphia, except my brother-in-law. Because it He saw was like, Shane's SNL it was, you set. know, it was the the yeah, it was, yeah, he was against it.
He, uh, you know, that was the wildfires in Canada that were causing, like, smoke in New York. He was like, he can't go outside in that, it would be like certain doom for him the rest of his life. And you can't take, and for the rest of your life, you gotta take anti, uh, you know, rejection, uh, medicine, which is basically immunosuppressants, it's like giving yourself aids, just like sit there, open everything. It's like, well,
But way less fun.
yeah, he goes. I have a mild cough. I'll see you guys in a month.
Who? You guys know the Ben Askren story?
he almost passed away, right?
And then he almost died.
he, uh, got, uh, an infection in his lungs and was rotting his lungs out. Like he didn't want to go to the hospital, his wife talked him into going to the hospital. And they realized, like, Oh, you're, you've got holes in your lungs, like you're gonna die. And then they had to do a double lung transplant on a healthy, you know, elite wrestler, former MMA champion. I'm gonna explain, Crazy, wow, I'm gonna explain the and like kind of hypochondria 40,
I have is I now feel that exact happening happening to my lungs as we speak. I think As soon as you're preserving you said that, I'm like, Oh,
the actual cigarette.
that's what's happening.
yeah. Who are those, like the guys who, like, get their faces torn off and they get a full face transplant? That that technology's gotten way better.
it's gotten weird, though, cause you got no eyes, so you don't You can't know which way you wanna
look at the sun. face off you're
for real? What's your real What's your will face off?
to live? That's almost the point. If, like, if you, if you're an organ donor and it's like the choices you can get that organ away. Or it's like you have a nice long journey back to being where people can at least, like, appreciate you or listen to your ideas again. I don't know, give the guy, a long road, give the guy the bank every yeah, credit.
yeah, but it depends on, like, what it is. Like, sometimes people just come back and they're fine, like, whatever. The f- like, it's not like every time you're almost dead, it's the same, you know, it's, it's. It's just weird when someone can make a decision as to whether or not you live or die, and it's the wrong decision, but you're dead and no one cares. And then the hospital makes money off of it.
You gotta turn it over to God, dude. That's what, uh, Hulk Hogan, remember, Hulk Hogan was talking to his son when his son got into the accident and the friend died. And Hulk Hogan's on the phone with his son. I think he's trying to make his son feel better, but you remember what he said? He was like, I don't know what your friend John did there to get r- wrong with God, but I guess he was like, What the fuck?
Like, he's like, Oh, He wasn't that's, uh, saying your fault.
his prayers, he wasn't eating his vitamins. Yet,
his pythons were under 20.
yeah, dude, bro. Inches. When someone people start interpreting the Bible in that way, like, I don't think you're reading it right, like, I don't think that's how it works. Like, you're supposed to say, I'm sorry, your friend's dead. You're not supposed Not to say
giving the reasons why you think he died. here. Be like, Hey, Here, your friend,
yeah, he goes. Also, the reason you didn't he died was
make it right.
his son drove them into a tree a hundred not some miles Oh, you guys probably.
yeah, this was a wild see this where story. Yeah,
the the priest gets killed by the cross.
oh, have I seen it? Hey, how I've watched this many times a thousand
did you jerk off to times. Jesus, it? this this priest This is the craziest video because this poor guy was in the the middle of, like, wasn't he talking about, like, w- that you have to get right with God before you die? his name I mean, he might've was what? I been talking about, say like, the exact Hulk beach. Hogan phrase,
This is the first, this is the first time the church ever was scrambling to find some dirt on this guy. Like, you might be like, Oh, we found out this guy, I mean, there's kids buried under the rectory.
See, the thing about those guys is they have to be really careful, cause they all have secrets. And if one guy rats one guy out, then they start doing a deep dive. Like, like Catholic priests and pedophiles, they, that's just linked. There's no way you say Catholic priest to someone who's our age or your age, and in in any way, it doesn't enter into your mind. Yeah, Steve's brother exclusively. is like a Catholic Right? yeah, my brother's
priest, which is hilarious. a Catholic Just I just completely priest.
He's a good guy, though, lost. right?
He's good guy. No, nothing, He has a nice
nothing to shame.
voice, though. Yeah, yeah, nothing to shame. And it's a Well, yeah, if he combo. But we can tell wants to sue you, him for sure. He
probably has, and we just haven't found out Well, yet.
but he's like, he's like, it's his dad a tough thing will. when peop- uh, uh, like, I, I. What's tougher? Telling someone you're a comic or telling someone you're a Roman Catholic priest? But you have to, like, put that like, but I'm a great guy, you know, like, I'm not a person that you wanna.
right, not a problem. I am disgusted Yeah, well,
by children's bodies. yeah, whatever, yeah, Preface every conversation. Yeah, I think oh yeah, bring your
they're gross.
ugly kid over here.
I'd rather fuck a dog.
a what? Excuse me, a dog? Yeah, I love Yeah, it's weird dogs.
that that that those 2 are just connected and we're we're trying to pretend they're not.
Well, when was the blow up of it? Was it 80s? Well, I mean, 80s, 90s, where they were there's been, really? A there, it's like they're Mo. They're just moving them around. There was like a girls gymnastics coaches, they're just shuffling them around fucking parts of the country, and there's, those uh, a documentary molest other people.
called He, I think it's called Hear No Evil, it's one of the worst documentaries you could ever watch, like, don't watch it, uh, but it's basically about this Catholic priest. And they they take him from one place and they move him to another place. And I think the story was that he molested 100 deaf kids, they moved him to a place where the kids were all deaf, and he was just molesting these deaf kids. And this was one of the ones I believe the story was this is the ones that Ratzinger, you know, that one pope that was disgraced and removed, that he was involved in that.
So a lot of these guys before, you know, when they're moving up the ranks, one of the one of the jobs is you take a Catholic priest that's been molesting kids and you move him.
You too.
You just move him to another area, and they, they've been doing that forever.
Yeah, it's crazy.
That was their standard policy.
And you know what they say, wherever you go, there you are.
Who's Dr. Seuss?
that's right.
It was also a little problematic.
yeah. And by the way, I didn't. I went to a I think it was in San Diego once at American Comedy Club, walking around, and there was like an art gallery, and it was doing a doctor seuss like exhibit. And you go inside and, like, very quickly, you're like, Yo, this guy drew a lot of, uh, pretty racist, uh stuff.
Oh, yeah, he was problematic.
And old, like, uh, was it Looney tunes or Warner Brothers? Like a lot of stuff super from that, too, racist. Well, you've seen, so hilarious.
there's a, you know, the the big bad wolf, like, what was it? We've seen this before, Jamie. It's like the original one from like the 1930s, so there's a big bad wolf that's banging on someone's door. yeah, it's, um, Goldilocks, And they pull the mask off, and in the original one, it's a Jewish guy,
oh, really. and they converted
it to a wolf. Later.
yeah, yeah, it's great.
It's crazy.
It's so funny.
You realize this was a cartoon for kids, and it was a cartoon.
way ahead of their time, how accurate they drew the Jewish birds. I saw Craig It was
is like, Is that Ari? I saw, I but it was like
saw one of.
open. This was before World War II, so it was just o- openly fine to to do to laugh, that in a cartoon.
There was a racism episode, I saw this on YouTube recently, a racism episode of Bewitched, where, like, the, you know, the blink, wiggle, the nose trick was to to make this racist feel bad. They were all. He was gonna see everybody as black, and it's the entire cast in blackface, including the children. It's the craziest Yo, fucking thing I've ever seen.
well, that is one of the wilder things, though, honestly, that you can't change the color of your skin because it's racist, or you can't pretend to be of a different race. well, back in the Because that's racist.
80s and 90s, you can just be like, Oh, I'm a basketball player. And paint my face black. Like, It's like Halloween, Joy, Yeah, no, the amount of people it's that have blackface Halloween costumes from the 80s and 90s, and they're like, I hope this never Justin comes out. Yeah, Trudeau, yeah. But we are yeah,
being conditioned to, like, fear the thing at all, cause, exactly like, I'm certain, because I just watched reruns of stuff when I was a kid. That I saw that Bewitched episode and it didn't strike me at all, cause I got that. It was like a anti-racism message. Do you know what? I mean? I got the point, I didn't. H- go just like, still, no matter what, that's C- But now you're like, shit, you can't fuck around like even the that.
Like, wife I didn't even. I didn't think anything about most Well, of those things. it's also because Ted Danson people yeah, Ted Danson,
get they get Ted Dansons that was the thing is And that that was was a fucking that the perfect was crazy. right. R-
great show. person. Roddy. Roddy
That was perfect.
Piper when he when he wrestled Bad News Brown at, like, Wrestlemania 6 or whatever. He came out in half black body paint on his whole body, Roddy Roddy Piper. Half black is fine, That's fine. that's not full black, He's mulatto. bro, I had naked you're just
roast a couple years ago.
doing something crazy.
I I painted my cock black, and I was like, I'm gonna just do black cock, and I was gonna do black face. And I was started to put it on, and Yamanika walked by, and I was like, Ah, this isn't a good idea. It's gonna Hey, throw off the Yamanika would definitely call fucking you out. connect. Yeah,
Me too. I don't wanna It's awesome.
be on the negative side, Jesus.
Also, blackface got like, it's too blanket statement because it shouldn't be considered blackface if you're doing brown face, because that was like, that's the bewitched thing, that's blackface, which fun, which Which is I think hilariously, looks less offensive to black people, technically, but that's the factual paint they would put on for blackface. So like this is this like pitch black, did they is like, like do pitch black, tar. yeah,
like the Al Jolson day? So that's that
the minstrel show.
watch those minstrel shows, those are crazy, This is a good like the white
question. If, let's say you were gloves, getting an organ, you got into an accident and you needed somebody's organ, but they were only gonna give you a black guy's organ, would you take it? Steve?
yes, of course, I would take wait, it. I wanna live.
wha- w- for real? That is a real no, no, I'm just question. not going. Oh, that's That's hilarious.
but what if they give you a choice to take a white guy's heart or a black guy's heart, and you get to choose?
I wanna know what they did.
Yeah, give me their their
Yeah, tell me, tell me profession. what these guys did with their day. Did they eat fruits and vegetables and work out all day? Give me the black guy,
Give me a menu.
100, give me the guy who's healthy, that's what I want.
black guy doesn't work out, but he still has a better body. Never worked out once.
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He goes, All right, well, you're gonna live healthy, but you're never gonna dunk.
That's the way it goes.
You gotta weigh the good and the bad, I guess, with everything.
There's trade-offs. It's weird because whiteface is totally fine, like white chicks, like you can do white chicks, too. Today. Of course, No one will care. It was funny movie, I look forward nobody cares,
to it.
but it's w- it's a it's such a weird thing that you can't pretend to be someone. We should make black Like, it's just
chicks. That'd be a fun movie to make black chicks.
boys, boy, you could go to town with that one if you were really bold. Oh, yeah, Truceki
Drewski, dude. I mean, that's hilarious.
Truceki did Eric Kirk. Pe. But the fucking people on the right, man, they lost their fucking minds, thinking Did they that was gonna really like, they be the end took of. They yeah, they lost took their basements their minds at hearing the tards, that. the bait the tards,
on that that much? the the, That's crazy.
you know, the lowest IQ, farthest right ding dongs, who are their whole identity is like being an online MAGA person. There's this, like, a low IQ version of that that's out there that that no matter what you do, oh fuck you fucking traitor, there's there's those people, fuck truceki, I'll never listen to him again. Just really
did you? were you big fan before?
I loved all his skits.
He's funny man. And look, it's kinda odd when your husband dies. And then all of a sudden you've got sparklers coming out from behind your ass and you're wearing glitter pants and you're walking out like you're Led Zeppelin in 1977. It's a little weird,
The final countdown should have played.
it's a little weird. I mean, I don't judge people on how they grieve. I wouldn't wanna be the person who's watches their husband get shot in the neck and then see people celebrate how much. That would just psychologically fuck you up. And then, I'm sure they probably put you on some medication because it's probably insane to deal with, so they probably give you something to fucking calm you down. And so then they're like, Listen, Erica, this is what we're gonna do.
We're gonna have crazy music and then sparklers behind you and you come out.
Like, what is this? That's his funeral? You're like, I'm like, Okay,
Is this your sweet 16?
Like, how long after he died did that happen? days,
like a week, that was the the memorial, it was like, within a week,
it was days. The sparklers are wild,
like, what are we?
and the memes were great.
She was getting hair and All of the makeup, like she got hair and makeup, for sure, Well, that's you have it was a
to do, you gotta look good. dude, all the memes so it that came was a happy out of it. There's thing, too. Everybody's like a a judging you.
car with like, uh, like, fireworks shooting off it, doing circles, and it was this, uh, grieving my husband, Eric.
dude, I ha- I've had an in-depth conversation with my wife about what I expect after I pass away. Like the amount of grieving and the amount of of consoling. The, uh, like, I don't even want her to leave the house for
That's weird. five, for five Oh, really, or six months no, I'm gonna, I'm after, dude, because
gonna go the Kirkway, dude. I want fucking, uh, bigfoot and grave digger coming at each other over a bunch of broken down cars. Yeah, dude, Let's go big truck I think you swore soda.
in your wife's life last night on Story Wars, and we're lying
wait a minute.
story wars. You're trying every single
No, I was. I told the truth, I told the you're trying every truth.
way to get her out of your life without you having to do anything. Too much. True crime now.
No, I expect full, like, inconsolable, like, just, you know, bl- wearing black, a veil. I want that level of, like, pain and sorrow
For how long?
when I'm gone.
how long before a new guy comes along? No, never, Never to no, t death? to death, dude, Wow,
to death.
Now, let's say she dies tomorrow tragically I in a fast
need companionship.
and back on the horse. Okay, I'm a different all right,
I, I'm a different kind of person. I require companionship.
I understand that no one likes being alone.
No, I don't wanna be alone, okay, but that's my personality.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Her personality is what I'm telling her, that she has to be very sad when I'm dead, that's the way it goes.
Say it. While while pointing with a cigar, also does send a nice And you're gonna message.
be sad, kid.
Yeah, once I die, I don't care, just No, I cremate me, and, you care. know, move on. I d I, you know, I think that's that. I think once you die, the lights are out, the cremate and
I don't believe you.
you thing is another scam. So you assume you're getting your dad's ashes,
no, they give you a mix Oh, come of ashes. they say, here, on, Oh, really, really.
you know what's in the pot? I had This is not. my the good part, what's dog done, and in the
I look, I f- literally go, It's a human I, this is awesome. jaw. Yeah, chopped
So, you know, when we ch- chinchillas when we had Mm are in there, we
all kinds of stuff's in there.
when we put my dog man, down, we had to pay more money to have him cremated separately from other dogs. They told us they were like, Look, if we do the regular cremation, you're getting other dogs ashes. But if you do it separately, we'll have a clean thing. And we paid more money, but they don't even give you just ashes, they give you little chips of bo- there's pieces of bone, it's not, it, it, was, it's.
It's really bizarre. it's dark, Yeah, yeah, it's an I didn't look ashes in the at it. I just,
idea, and I I like more of. Like the if I was gonna do any idea like that, cause I think burial's stupid, but the bur- where they, you know, they'll put you in a pod that a tree's in or something. I'm like, sure, do something yeah, they like that.
they put your body under a tree and then They should it'll make the make those things tree grow.
cost a bazillion dollars, though. The That's the pro. Those things cost like a gazillion dollars to
it shouldn't. do, like they take No, that should the be standard, that should be how we do it in national parks. but I mean, You know what the best one is, though? Tibetan sky burial?
what are? The what happens there?
There's there, f- this is crazy. So their tradition is to take the bodies up to the top of a mountain, and they break the bones apart and chop the bodies up into chunks. And the vultures are everywhere, they know that they're gonna do this, so they've trained these vultures to eat these people. So they bring the bodies, all the local villagers, the people who've died, and they they're up there hacking their limbs into dis digestible chunks, and then the vultures are just swarming them, they're all over the place.
And that's like the reasonable people of that place
D Well, their their thought is like, you are part of nature, you will now get absorbed by nature, and you will go right back into nature.
taking on that job, though, you have to have, like, a a Dexter personality. Well, I mean, sort
of, but in these people, it's like just their tradition. The person's gone, and y- what you're gonna do is just sacrifice them to nature. And isn't it better if it feeds these animals that are important for the ecosystem? yeah, until that bird Cause some
shits on your head while you're walking by, If it then you go, was somebody's, Oh, I'm dead.
if it was somebody's wishes, do you think you could even when they're dead, cut their limbs off? You could, you don't think you need you'd have to talk to a you, you have the stomach compartmentalize for that? enough.
yeah, I could do it. I wouldn't wanna do it, but I could do it.
I think you wanna do it, I don't wanna you don't have
do it.
to do it ever.
Yeah, but I wouldn't wanna do it to a loved one, that's for sure. Uh, like, I wouldn't wanna cut my wife up after she's dead. We tried I don't care how much to. We tried you miss her.
to fillet a fish on the podcast weeks ago. I mean, Steve, we looked over at him and he was just like with puddles bro. of fish guts in his hands, I watched the Dude. video, I thought
Cut myself.
I had the thing down and I couldn't get a scale off this fucking thing, dude. I chopped the head off, I started just fucking going against the grain. I u- it was coming apart. I almost cut my fucking hand off with a knife. I literally was like this. It looked like ceviche when I was done.
If you go on a boat, like a charter boat and go fishing with guys who do it every day, I walked those guys are masters. The way they fillet and they're doing those fish it while the is,
waves are, yeah, going up and down.
yeah, a little, uh, catch and cook. I do anytime I go on vacation, dude, that you catch it that morning, you bring it back to the villa or the hotel, they cook it up for you. But just this yeah, it's one dude I'm it's so easy.
obsessed with online. He lives in Hawaii, and, uh, I think it's called, Uh, I'll find it. It's called like psychama or something, psychama syndicate. Hold on, let me find it.
Is that just paprika?
God damn it, I gotta find this guy. But what he does is, um, I don't remember the name of his inter- Instagram. What he does is he goes, See if you can find Jamie. He goes on. I think we've shown him before. He goes online with a kayak, so he's got a kayak, he takes this fucker out. There he is, Sakana syndicate, that's it. So this dude goes fishing out of his kayak and then he cooks a gourmet meal on the kayak in the middle of the fucking ocean.
It's the coolest thing.
Yeah, they club them in the head to kill them.
Now? Can I tell you something? Can you back it up Wait, Jamie a little bit? To like, look at this where he's?
the way this guy does it. He busts Holy a a chopping Cow board, he's got a knife, he brings different herbs and garlic, and he minces things up. I mean, literally makes, like, gourmet meals. pokeballs. Yeah, man, I mean, he does a bunch of different things. Sometimes he cooks, he brings a burner on and he, he'll cook fish, but
You got me into that guy that at the end that goes super, like that guy
it's my favorite. that fucking love that Will, they miss cooking?
guy, dude. Yeah, he cooks on like a rock and shit, dude. He's you know, like,
Azerbaijan, that guy's awesome.
It'll be in the winter, sometimes it'll be in the woods.
So this dude is like, like, every week, he's doing this, and Crustaceans, it's, yeah, man, is, but it's really fucking interesting to watch. Nope, I'm because this dude, uh, so right now he's, down. um, he's just like, it seems like he's gonna eat those raw, but a lot of them he cooks. See if you can find one where he cooks, so he makes these, like, fucking, like, really complicated meals out there, If and they look I was, if fantastic.
I was sitting across from him when he's holding any of these fish, I would be actively screaming, Dude, I know Get out of here, get out of here, get out of here. It's angry, it's angry at us. So this dude, uh,
look, that's what I tried,
oh, is that what you tried?
that's what I try to do, but I didn't l- end up like that at all.
it didn't.
You gotta learn how to do it from someone who knows what the fuck I know, they're doing. It's not but an unattainable skill.
I'll be better at it next time. You will,
You'll be back, dude. The tartar is
Me and Jay tried, me and Jay It looks both sliced so good, our fingers though, within seconds.
I cut myself, it still has a little scar. Yeah,
it looks so good though, and it looks so easy. Do you ever try fishing on a on a oh my Ca- god, Canoe? I did. I flipped over, I I was trying to catch a trout out of a a lake, and the the whole thing flipped it over.
this every the the. Every one of these videos begins with what I would deem to be danger. Like, we're in danger.
like, I wouldn't even hang my feet over the side like that.
Well, there's definitely tiger sharks out there. There's a great video of this guy, that's Italian cooking one of those.
right there, you gotta pound it down good, flat.
We played this the other day. There's a great video of a guy that's on one of these, and this tiger shark comes up and bites the side of his kayak and he screams, Tiger shark, and then you see this fucking mouth come out of the water. And it really, just, Yeah, he lived, he it didn't get him.
do all sharks have teeth? Because I caught a sa- I, I'm serious, because a sand shark, we, I caught. My friends got a boat. We went That's out, we
the level of discourse. Look at this, look at this tiger shark.
Yo, I went swimming with tiger sharks in Hawaii. that's It was scary.
what I'm saying.
Yeah, bro, I mean, that guy could have lost a foot there, for Easily. sure. That thing I say, is just clamping down on his kayak.
you know where that never happens? Land Yep, that's what
I'm, that's what I'm talking about, that's what I'm talking about. that never happens on But you know what
a land.
doesn't happen in the sea? Puerto Ricans, That's true, see,
I know, so you're really damned if you do, damned if you don't. Sometimes you gotta get your ass out there.
So why were you filleting a fish? we
we did, uh, end of summer podcast games where we, uh, you know, stuff you do in the summer. If we filleted a fish through a football diving contest, what else did we do?
it. It was against another pod, He was against, it was Colin, uh, Colin, Colin was here
Farrell's podcast.
yesterday, too. Yeah, yeah, so They beat us. We did one of the things was a football throwing challenge. And Jay and Steve, they pride themselves as being like sports guys. So they had to have a, uh, Jay had to have a blindfold on while he held a hula hoop above his head. While Steve tried to throw the ball across the yard through the through the hula hoop.
hoop without hitting him in the face, groin, body, or anything like that. It's the
It was so scary.
most shout out Tristan Bowling.
Look at this, Joe, you tell me where I went wrong on this.
Well, the first of all, did you
This is Tristan.
have a sharp knife? That's Tristan. Yeah,
No, we had we had we had n nice a nice night, knives, we had really
that's me.
good knives. They're good knives. Okay, Oh, that's you, Steve,
No, no, that's Tristan.
God, it's so violent. Let's go, Tristan, this is that's Steve it. over there. Oh God,
oh so, there's a race it's a race to clean the
to see if you can get it fish done 1st, too, so there's
and you're filleting it as well.
Steve, what are you doing? need to get the
yeah, y- y- you're, you're being too aggressive, dude. It's a more gentle process. 1st of all, one of the things you do is you start from the top of the back, so you start it from the bottom where the guts are. And when you make the fillet, you start from the back and you slice along the spine, Joe, why were you slowly
I'll be back. working your
this guy?
way down.
So you see where you went wrong then, that coulda helped so you see where you took a left there, Steve.
giving out pointers. There's a method I mean, that's there's an art crazy. It's in front to it. Yeah, of you, that looks like
that pile of shit in front of you is that looks crazy. insane,
it looks like a Mack truck that that murdered it.
looks like a Tibetan sky funeral.
It disintegrated. That's the right word for it. It was pulverized. that
put it in a crock pot. I ta- I told you,
it's a skill. oh, fuck, It's a thing you gotta learn how to do.
It's what I don't have, I'm, I don't. I've never taken a fish off a hook. I, uh, I've gone on the boat with, like on the Bert tour, where they take you fishing and they're like, you wanna hold the fish for the picture? I'm like, I'll point to it, tell me this guy, uh,
with his pinky fingernails.
dude, I need a glove or something when I go to get the f- hook out. I'm not like a a guy who can just grab the fish cause it squirms too much. You know, you get nervous, I guess, you know, it's plus it's living. I'm trying to get it done quick, I Joe, these wanna throw it back.
guys are real pussies, they're not real men like us.
it's just one of those things you get used to. You know, if you had to live off fish, you'd you'd figure it out real quick. If you got stranded on an island, you would be like, remember when I could barely hold a fish? CBS That's all it is.
in the morning on Sundays, they show bass fishing and I'll watch that for like an hour. Because those guys, the way they just sit there, I'm torn they know the spots.
on that, I'm torn on bass fishing
Why?
because they don't eat em, they're just fucking with these fish, they just ca- they're tricking em and then they're letting em go. It's fun. I've done it, I love doing it, I love bass fishing, don't get me wrong, but part of me is like, What are we doing here? We're not even eating these things. It's
it's torture. this is. It's a why don't people little eat them? be It's just a catch and release, there's a bunch right?
of issues.
When I was young, people One is would catch bass and they would get them, like, cleaned and cooked. Yeah,
they certainly can, you certainly can eat them. The problem is they have forever chemicals in them now. Almost all freshwater fish are polluted, almost all of them. or you'll get Like, if you eat sick. a freshwater fish from a lake in the United States of America, you're gonna get a very high level of PFAS. And these are a bunch of forever chemicals that th- they come from environmental toxins, plastics, all co- all all kinds of shit that's in the oxygen or in the air, rather, the atmosphere, that gets down into the water from rain, from runoff, from, you know, every time it rains.
All the you don't think about it, but all the fucking shit that's in your car, all your oil dripping, anything that someone left in the gutter, all that shit runs into the lake. And when that stuff runs in there, you're it's never going anywhere, it stays in there and it gets in the fish.
There's no flow.
Like, what? Pull that up, Jamie, pull that up in Perplexity, like, the, uh, what? What the toxins are that you can get environmental toxins from freshwater fish? So you get Was it like an like,
aspartame thing where it's like it turns out you have to drink 700 cokes a day or probably, diet cokes a day?
probably, but I do know, uh, Steve Rinella told me about a guy who got real fucking sick because he was a, uh, a f- a tournament fisherman. So a freshwater tournament, like catch a bunch of perch, and they they eat them, perch are delicious, but he ate them exclusively. That was his whole diet, and his fucking health fell apart, and it turned out that was why. It was like he was literally poisoning himself. Freshwater fish can contain contaminants, especially mercury, PCBs and PFAS that accumulate in their w- in the from their water and food.
The risk depends on the species, the lake or river, and how often you eat the fish. Freshwater fish aren't uniformly unsafe. So, uh, it's just a lot of people recommend that if you're gonna eat freshwater fish, don't eat a lot of it, don't eat it often.
Yeah, when I went fishing in Puerto Rico, there were what a one of the fish that we caught. They were like, if it was over a certain size, they were like, don't eat it. Because they've been feeding on, like the bottom feeding, like, um, the on on the reef, whatever the animals that would eat the reef. And they were like, they become toxic the larger they are, so we had to throw them back if they were, like, over a certain weight or whatever.
We went to the Bahamas and, uh, there was this guy who was a a guide who was telling us, you can eat barracuda that are from this side of this of this island, but not from the other side. And I said, How come? and he's like, Well, it's like what they eat, and and you know, like, thi- this side is safe and that side's not safe. Cause they're and I'm like, So how do we know these aren't moving around?
I didn't know you could eat barracuda at all. so I, you know,
W- I was with my daughter and I was like, we're not eating these, like, you could have, you would you eat him? He said. Yeah, I'm like, Oh, you can keep him. So I, I didn't eat the fish. I was like, that makes me nervous as fuck, cause it's like, literally a toxin.
What's your strange? Do you have, like, a like, you've probably been introduced to all kinds of strange foods. Where's where do you draw the line?
Well, because of fear factor, I've eaten insane things.
Oh, you tried the stuff?
Oh, yeah, I eat a lot of it. Uh, the the 1st episode, I did it, like, sort of, like, to help the people out. I said, I feel terrible that you have to do this, so I'll do it too. And they had to eat a sheep's eyeball. That wasn't that bad. It's just in your head mostly, and I ate, No, it's also uh, the thing, too, it's yeah, but it's in your it's not. head, it's a sheep's But the if eyeball.
Yeah, it was violently awful to eat, I would tell you, and it wasn't. It was just just meat. And then the other one that I ate, uh, I ate, that was pretty disgusting. Was a Madagascar hissing cockroach. So, like this big fucking roach, it was, and it was
It was alive. alive. I just picked Oh,
it up, started chewing it. Almost no taste. It's in your head, like, in your head, it's like,
but you have to. You don't have the almost it's get. Do you almost not just in your get? head.
I I lost that. I used to have that bad, like in high school, if somebody threw, like, if we were all hanging out together and you threw up, I'd be like, Ugh, I would fucking immediately You passed regret it. Fear us martial arts, factor, No, fear factor,
really? Just had you pass 100. I it, just seeing saw people that throw
puke, I saw people puke literally every day.
No dude, oh, look how young and handsome Joe was.
That's sweet. Holy shit, dude, I had hair back then, sorta.
wow, look at those lips.
Thank you. Oh dude, See, but it's not that bad. But I did think about it for a 2nd here, and then I go, no, right there, I thought about it. I think it was because when you bite into the body cavity, it does squirt, gross you know, and it was laughing
juices out.
at the same time. It I don't even wanna was gross,
hear about this much, let's do not that bad, it. That's crazy. but the but I used to torture
I'm telling you, if you had to eat those to stay alive, you 100 would eat them. It's not that big a deal.
I, uh, I used to torture my ex-wife cause I would give her the gags every time. That I think it went viral for a while. It was Bear Grylls and he put the grub in his mouth and it was huge. And Uh, the one that he bites it squirted. in the middle and just blasts open on his face. No reason to do it like that.
But he wasn't even really doing that was the whole thing with Bear Grylls, right? He did He was like, staying enough. in hotels.
Well, he was out there, legitimately, like he's a legit guy, he knows what he's doing. I think he's isn't he a special forces guy,
British, right?
right? So what he was doing was showing you what you do and showing you how to do it, but then he would go stay in a hotel. That's the difference between him and Survivor, man. So what happened was Survivor man had a show 1st, and Survivor man, he doesn't bring anybody with him, he does everything by himself, he brings his own video cameras, and it's all legit. And you could see it over the course of the episode, like he'll be in the jungle for 7 days.
He hasn't eaten in 3 fucking days. You see it in his face, he's lost a shitload of weight, he's dehydrated. He gets out of there and sometimes he has to go straight to the hospital, like he was really surviving on his own. But Bear, they were saying, Listen, what, we're gonna bring in a lion, we'll let him loose in front. He's like, No No. Like they tried to do a bunch of shit, like produce it, and he's like, You can't do this, I won't let you do this.
And so then they said, Well, we'll do it with somebody else, and that's where Bear Grylls came well, Bear about. Grylls, I think, like, According to Survivor man, I don't know if this is the complete truth. but I mean,
I trust him.
to to Joe Average, Bear Grylls. If you were like, Yeah, you'd go like, rip the skin off a snake and then piss in the skin and then make it his, like, you know, neck cooler for the like, he do the desert. He. And then at the end of that, they go, All right, cut back to the hotel. Like, he still fucking did that, like, that's he still did nuts, that's fucking that. nuts. dude. Imagine Yeah, like, why wouldn't being
you sleep in a hotel if you could? Like, what are you stupid? You wanna imagine being you wanna the survivor, rock? Out in your man. You haven't tent?
eaten in 5 days and now you have to set up a camera to film yourself. You're like, Oh, I gotta set up a fucking camera, get my mic on. You're like, Uh, you're not even thinking like you have to think about eating is should be your well, there's not main priority.
that show alone is a similar thing. They take Oh, I like 15 people
love that show.
and that's great, and they put them in like. It's not even like anywhere. Like it's like deep in Canada it's in the cold, and it's like it's like 30 degrees when they start, and then by day 60, it's like why is he negative eight
called alone?
degrees. Cause you have to do it alone, cause they like they give they're now you a camera.
wearing you out. Oh, they're you're not wearing nowhere near each any, you're wear other. And no one's anywhere they to win
near anybody.
the thing, you have to stay out there the longest. Whoever stays out there the longest wins, like a quarter of $1 million.
that's it.
Which it. But check it out, you don't know when the other people tap out. So you don't know if there's 10 people left, you don't know if there's 2 people left. You're just sitting there with your thoughts, being like, what the fuck? It's a great show, It's a great
it's a great show. show. They Have you ever seen build like it? crazy huts and there was one shit,
season where the guy was like, I'll stay out here. I kind of like my life out here now.
Yeah, well, my friend Jordan, he's a episode, he was on one of the episodes of the podcast, Jordan Jones. He did it, and he's a real like survival guy. Like he's lived with, uh, people in Siberia, he lived with these, uh, these tribes that, like, they herd caribous and shit. And he brought with him a bow and arrow, so he killed a moose. And then he had to Jordan Jonas and Jordan had to fight off a wolverine with an axe, cause the wolverine was trying to steal the fat from his moose.
and plus, a wolverine can regenerate, so how are you gonna kill it, you know? he killed They get
the wolverine on camera with a fucking axe.
they gotta, like, hang the meat if they get like a good kill in the beginning, they gotta, like, hang the meat and and keep it for Wild animals as long as
with them?
they can keep it.
And if an animal comes and gets you, like, there ain't nobody there to help you. Not Yeah,
in time, probably.
you're fucked. If that Wolverine turned on him, if it just got ahold of his calf and just ripped his Achilles tendon apart, and he started gushing blood out of his leg, 100, he's bleeding out before anybody gets to him.
They give you a phone if you want to tap out, you like, just one button, and they're like, Yeah, come get me. They bring in a helicopter, like 2 days later, and Bro, they get you a lady out. Two days later, killed. Yeah,
A lady got killed a few years ago, not on the show, but a lady got killed by an otter. An otter killed her.
what a weak bitch. Yeah, chips
I think I think if it bites soft. the inside of your thigh, I think you're fucked. I think if it penetrates through one of those arteries, yeah, you could I think you
bleed out.
just start spraying. And if you don't have a tourniquet and you don't know how to apply it correctly, you're fucked.
I was picturing more like the otter had disgusting viruses in its mouth or something, and then she got, like her leg, like, amputated Yeah, she or something. was a certified But
swim instructor from Reno on a routine routine morning swim. An otter grabbed her leg with human-like force and pulled her underwater. The animal tore off her goggles and repeatedly bit and clawed her face, nose, cheek, armpits, and legs for about 5 minutes. She thought she fought the animal off, used her swimming skills to climb up onto the boulders, though the otter followed her out of the water and circled below. Jesus. She sustained deep bites and scratches requiring 38 stitches, plus rabies and tetanus vaccinations.
So that go that lady lived, but there was a lady a few years back who got killed.
I'll fuck up an otter, Joe. You have these They're fucking conversations about trying to, stinky, like, choke out a mountain lion, fierce, I'll fucking fuck up an otter.
bro, you would be so you wouldn't even know what's, you're like, is this an otter coming at? what is that? Is that like, you?
a seal? I don't know, I what is can't really. I it, you couldn't tell, I couldn't
know?
identify an otter.
I think I would run till my legs didn't work and then accept death. I would just be like, Well, here we go. Or I'll try to, like, choke it, I would try to, like, person fight it. It's always thought Stand up.
thumb in the eye, punch it in the tip of the nose, something like that.
you gotta get behind its head, you gotta grab, you gotta get control of behind its head. It's not a big animal, but it's the chaos of the moment and just the fear, and you're fighting it off. Most important thing is control, you have to control its head and then pin that fucker down, and then you put your body weight on him, and then you kill him.
And then I whisper in his ear, You made me do this to you.
We had this lady was a another lady. I was viciously attacked by a group of otters. Ten, ten Bro,
different otters got her at one. oh my Whoa,
Yeah, well, that's like the god, Cornell of otters.
man, Asians feel nothing.
tearing my arms, legs, and even the back of my scalp. Holy fuck, man, yeah. Like, if you're a small person like this lady and a a group of otters comes and gets you,
I don't even think she was in the water, it sounds like she was out.
oh my god, she was in the parking lot.
Well, that would take me off guard. Oh my god, If I was in a supermarket parking lot and a bunch of otters jumped out, I'd be like, Fuck, what's happening?
is that where you're calling When she pulled, from? Now? Otters? imagine, though,
she pulled out a camera,
trying to explain to the cop, Oh, she pulled out a camera.
listen, I, because I couldn't resist capturing a moment on video, marveling at how endearing these creatures seem.
Oh, that's crazy.
She was gushing about how adorable they were. I was Oh my god,
in Utah a couple years ago and I saw Oh, shit, a badger on the road and it was at nighttime. And I ran out with my phone to try to get a film of the badger. And the badger puffed up and started, like, marching towards me, and I fucking panicked like a little girl. Like, I, I just ran and got back in the How does the truck.
bat like it puffed up? Like, it's like, I've got D
like this, I got it. Just like, whoop, bitch. And started w- literally just walking straight towards me, like, the not nervous about me at all.
I think it's the energy of most animals, dude. I would. Ducks cross the street, the way every all the cars just sit there and wait. It Those, those are urban doesn't. They don't ducks, speed up, they just kinda take a soft, like, little, like, Yeah, it's gonna take a minute. yeah, but when you We're all coming.
shoot at them, they get accustomed to flying away very quickly. See, this is why the difference. Like you ever see those Colorado towns where elk just wander through the towns, it's crazy. Yeah, there's, uh, Evergreen, Colorado, uh, there's a place, uh, that's above Boulder, it's beautiful. And one of the things about Evergreen is they have a migration of elk that go through the fucking center of the town every year. So through the center of the town, you're you're hanging out trying to go to work, and there's 40 elk in the middle of the street.
Like, here's one just chilling, it's fucks this guy's car fuck you up. There's up. a great video of a guy who's, uh, trying to talk shit to an elk and it flattens his tire. But, uh, in Evergreen, there's like March, but that's because no one's shooting at them. Here, they are, so they're accustomed in their world, they have patterned that. Oh, if you go near the roads and you go near the buildings, no one shoots you, so that's what they do.
This is But if you an average get
street with deer in New Jersey. I don't know how long has it been since you've been in New Jersey, I've been, but it's well, it's Texas too, crazy, dude.
Texas too. But these are elk, so this is like the males are an 800 pound animal and they're wandering down the streets and they're everywhere. But if you saw them in the woods, they would fucking smell you and run from you immediately. They would oh, really, never. Yeah, so it's the same thing with ducks, like the ducks are respon- like, was waddling across the street because they know no one wants to run them over cause they're cute.
Like, look at this, a massive fucking herd on the side of this road. Oh, that one's got a collar on. Pimping,
what are these?
that's an elk, that's a female elk. So, look, they're in the middle of the road, just chilling. It's
That sucks. because the elk Well, the largest meadow park
elk, Meadow Park. is their spot. They Maybe don't drive they, there.
you know, that's probably Col, that's Colorado, yeah, Colorado has more elk, more population, a larger population of elk than any other state.
And you're allowed to hunt them.
Yeah, you can hunt them. It's it's you have to get a tag and it's hard to find them. It's like you'll find those that are in the s the towns, but once you go into the mountains, they know what's going on, they know the game is afoot.
is there? Uh, can you hunt them with sh shotguns and arrows, or do you have to just do
No, you can you.
one?
It's depending on what time of the year. So there's an archery season, it's usually early, so September's the archery season, and then you can only use archery equipment in a lot of states. And then there's a rifle season afterwards, and then there's a late archery season.
They? I think on Long Island, you can only kill the the deer with a bow and arrow. No, Fucking yeah, you can't start a residential shooting off guns. Yeah,
neighborhood, yeah, but bows and arrows, even then, you got wahoos. Like, uh, our friend Bruce out there, one of his fucking neighbors at their house got hit by a crossbow bolt, cause the neighbors are they're poaching deer.
That's crazy.
There's just deer in their neighborhood, they're everywhere, and look, deer are fucking delicious. And you know, I feel like I could go hunting or I could just go right here and shoot a deer and drag it into my garage. No one's gotta know.
They come up to and they eat my hydrangeas. I wanna beat them to death with a baseball bat.
Not your hydrangeas.
I I have a batting cage in my house, so we got a a deer got its antlers caught in the cage. And it was fuck. I got the video. It's flipping, flipping, flipping. I'm a away in Denver on the road. My wife's freaking out. She calls the cops, they send a female cop, she comes down, she looks at it, she goes, we gotta wait for somebody back up. Right, then We'll have I,
to wait for a male cop.
I swear to God, a male cop shows up. He's like, he gets out of the car, he goes over to it, right? He grabs it by the neck, brings it down. He goes, Do you mind if I cut the net? And she my wife goes, Yeah, he goes, you should ask your husband, these are pretty expensive. She's like, cut the fucking net, she cuts the net and he, he. The deer gets out and it runs away and he goes, Chances are it's gonna be dead in the 10 minutes.
Their hearts, like he said, their heart, the adrenaline goes so fast, their hearts explode. Most ti- yeah, like Sounds most times, they're like, they're so,
like an old wife. Yeah,
yeah, and I'm like, he's That like,
doesn't make sense, because if they get away from a mountain lion, if they get lucky, like, don't they live? Like, what? What a stupid
If it hits 80 miles per
evolutionary trait. hour, it goes back Well, he gave
to the future.
it the punch of death, so he he, you know, I don't know, he took
but h- this thing was
15 steps.
for like a half hour, trying to rip itself out of this. Man dude, hanging maybe, yeah, itself, swinging back and forth, maybe. it was nuts.
Do you think it's funny, Joe, how, uh, synonymous you are with elk meat? It's like a it's like a Roganism thing. If someone's like, Hey, we're gonna do Rogan, goes, What are you guys? Have some elk meat? And Blah, blah, blah. It's just like the obvious thing. I think you've taken pictures of elk before. Elk meat, you cook it. Yeah,
Oh, I eat a lot of it. I
are you a great cook? eat You cook it almost all this stuff yourself?
every week. What is this? Let's con, Yeah, I do. The condition's called capture myopathy, also known as exterior, exterior, Exertional exertional,
just get a rest.
exertional myopathy. So deer can die from extreme stress and struggling after getting stuck in a fence. Wow, more than just simply being scared. Intense fear, prolonged struggling, restraint can trigger severe muscle damage and overheating, will potentially fatal effects on major organs.
if you wouldn't mind, uh, Steve's got a big reading exam coming up soon. Steve, you wanna take a whack at one of these paragraphs, please?
uh. A deer may collapse during the the ordeal or initially look okay after the release and then Nope. deteriorate hours or days later. Signs can include weakness, stiff muscles, tremors, dark urine, and collapse.
Who's out there checking deer urine? Let me check to see if Roscoe's gonna be okay.
and collapse, that's a pretty good sign when the deer fucking Generally, collapses. when they collapse, Yeah, dude, uh, driving they're
at night in Jersey is terrifying, or Texas dude. There's you watch them on the side of the road. I dude, they have a lot of deer in everywhere. Texas, right? I think Jersey is the number one state for the most population of deer. I could be wrong about that, but I believe it is.
I think you might be right, I
And they jump, they jump out in front of your car, and sometimes they'll jump through your window and then kick you to death and then fucking run away.
my friend Cam. Dude, He lives in Oregon and a dude in his town died because the guy in front of him hit a deer. So the guy in front of him hit a deer and he's behind. The deer flips through the air and goes straight through his windshield and just mercs him on the spot.
Do you know what a side neck is?
What side neck?
Do you know what a side neck is, bitch? I'm side neck. No, I would say I don't he's a, I don't
know about. either. I would say I don't think he's I've ever wanted to know anything f- I don't more in my life. either.
I would say he's a f- I would say he's a Canadian phenomenon. Jamie, you familiar at all? Um, he's, Oh, that guy, I, yeah, I've seen that guy, he's side neck.
he's like, he got paralyzed or something.
Well, he's not paralyzed. What happened to him? We we dug deep, deep dive. He, he's from Canada. He was driving, hit a moose, moose came up on the windshield, uh, kicked through the and, like his legs went through the windshield. And the moose buck, like, kicked his fucking head like a cartoon. I swear to God, and it's the moose kicked his head to the side forever, and now he's side neck.
Well, it seems like his right arm doesn't work, right?
No, no, no, he explains it all in the one song, he I didn't just side neck.
I didn't talk to the moose. The whole thing, that's he just leaves that I think, part out. he wrote,
he wrote a diss track on the moose.
Why would you leave that part out of your origin story? That's one of the greatest origin He's probably stories of all time.
waiting for his legs under him, and then he's gonna be like, it's gonna make its opus, you know what I mean? Yeah,
It's gonna be his punk. That's gonna just wait be his Wall.
for it. H He's not ready to address that just yet. Right now, he's getting his feet wet.
Have you ever seen cross country like runners get blasted by deer? Oh, yeah, oh, dude, it's I think his the craziest.
El fucked it up.
Yeah, like, it'll just they'll run right through you and fucking truck you, dude, like you're not even there.
I think the one that freaks me out the most is motorcycle guys cause they're when they're really, going fast in canyon runs like, and then you just see a blur of brown and then boom, and then he's just. damn dude, And you know, these fucking cats are on a bike going 70 miles an hour through the canyon sideways, and then a deer just jumps in front of them. Wee, look Certain at all this momentum, ads. plus the bones that you're running into and the the possibility of a fucking antler going through your face.
it's not good.
Yeah, you're fucked, man. I mean, if you get hit, I don't care if you have a go your goggles on. Is that gonna protect you from an antler at seventy miles an hour, like, straight, point to the center of your fucking head?
No, look at this. I hit my head on my wife's fucking trunk, dude. You think I'm gonna survive a goddamn deer collapse? That's hilarious, dude. No way
Yeah, fuck it, fuck riding a bike and getting hit by a deer, just woo, having a good time, fucking freedom. I love the idea of getting a motorcycle, but I'm too much of a pussy to pull the trigger. That's not pussy, Yeah, you just that's not pussy. Yeah, yeah, it's there's just that's not pussy. not being smart,
It's pretty at this point. but it's
I. I same thing. I've always
that's so fun.
wanted. I've always wanted to ride a motorcycle. The only time I've been on a motorcycle was twice on the back holding a man's waist while my calves got burned by the exhaust. I Like,
went and, uh, here, this guy gets wiped, check it out. Boom, oh fuck trees, bike's fucked. Holy shit, Yeah, holy shit. And deer watch this. He doesn't even have a chance. Fuck
I'll tell you, the saddest thing I've ever seen when driving home in Jersey is when you see a dead one on the side of the road and there's another one standing next to it. Like, just sad about it, looking like,
especially a baby and the mama,
it's like it's like looking what's a mama gonna out, it's like looking out
do?
after, it's like it's like standing in front of it, almost like, so the cars don't hit it's weird. It's never sad. It's The weird a good, good thing is, like,
riddance every time.
the only solution is to have predators in your neighborhood, and that's not good either, Yeah, I'm because then the gonna, I'm gonna register deer move out
for that.
and then they start eating your dogs and cats. That's how California handles it, like California with their mountain lion crisis, like they want to pretend it's not a crisis. They fucking captured mountain lions in San Francisco, and they do a a they check out their digestion, see what they're eating. 50% of their diet was pets. Really, whoa Yeah, so yeah, cats and dogs, and yeah, man, yeah, man, they're monsters, they're fucking monsters, Yeah, that happens a man.
lot, too. Like it'll be like a dog at the edge of, like, a little lake in Florida, or, like, a puddle of water. Then an alligator comes out and just pulls that happened it in.
when I was a kid. I lived in Florida, I lived in Gainesville. And this lady had, like, some little poodle-type dog or something. And she's just walking it on the thing. And this gator just came up and snatched it and dragged it into the water. It was the talk of the town. Yeah, there
was one guy who jumped in and got the dog back from the alligator. That's crazy, That's a famous, what? that's that's a famous story. Yeah, crazy. say, I I would do that for my dude, dog. say I
Oh, I remember that there was a
Yeah, it was a few
video of it. years ago. Yeah, Yeah, it was a y- a a old guy, right? And he's like, beating the fucking alligator. Let's go, his dog. Yeah, fuck yeah, dude. I would So I get a totally risk my dog. big dog, I got a little dog too, I have a regular sized dog, I have a golden retriever, but then I have this little dog. It's a King Charles Caval- is it? Here's the guy.
yeah, I have a cocker spaniel.
Yeah, that's what it's. holy shit, It's a little ass alligator and his dog. The guy's getting his fucking fingers right there in the jaws, man, that's crazy, and he gets it loose.
yeah, it's a cocker spaniel.
And then you gotta pull it apart, like how King Kong killed that lizard, remember, just flip the rip his just a. Ah, shirt. It fucking splits it just fucking in half. It was
splits in half.
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rip its jaw off.
That's what you gotta do, that fuck, and then you turn that thing into a belt. Fuck you, you fucking cunt. But anyway, I have a a King Charles Cavalier like I. I've never really been into little dogs. I fucking love this little guy so much, he's so enthusiastic, he's so fun. Like all he wants to do is just kiss you and jump all over you. And he's like, he's a puppy, he's like a year and a half old.
But like, when I come home, he's like, Wah, he just goes fucking crazy, he leaps up, I pick him up, he's kissing me, all, just squirming and having fun. He's just he just loves being around people, he's so sweet, he's like the sweetest little dog ever. It's like, Oh, I get it, it's not gonna guard your house, it's not, it's not. G. N- There's nothing
No, but they think they will. My d, my cocker spaniel, she thinks she's a fucking like a beast. She barks, she's like, ra-ra-ra-ra-ra, right at least at the front they let you window. know something's up, Yeah,
you know?
There's an interesting thing. I I have a dog for the first time, four years now, first dog I've ever had in my life, so I never quite got it before. But I do feel this sense of, uh, I want it to have more appreciation, like, Oh, the dog like, there's
that more appreciation.
no, there's no, there's no real appreciation. Show of a dog, you're like, Man, you were found in a box on the side of the road. Look at your life but yeah, now. Why look at the are you just staring at me? Why are you not licking my face constantly? Uh, I'm Judge Medslaw over for it, but
that's hilarious.
it's, uh, it is interesting. But I also think that my dog, if she was taken by somebody tomorrow, was like, kidnapped, she would just be like, I love you now.
oh, they all would, they all would. There's no loyalty like that. They have, I don't like, probably a know, I think half a day there is, of memory.
Yeah, I don't know about that. Some dogs get very attached to people.
dude, you should see those videos of like, what was the latest one? There was a guy, it was an ex like, uh, Marine going through TSA, and a fucking dog jumps over the TSA people and just starts going crazy for him. And it was like his M military dog from when he was in the military. But it might he raised be fucking that up or something no, you're not like that. Yeah, at all, you're not yeah, but do
at all. You think the you? dog was depressed It's awesome without him. without It was a dog
the owner, or just saw him and was was like, Oh shit, I'm sure Jamie right, Yeah, he could find it, but was probably like
okay without him, but that's his favorite person. it was
it's not real. like, crazy, It's that's not
not real, Jamie. AI generated, Damn, No, damn it, damn.
it was one of the first ones that got everybody. are you serious? Seth fuck. MacFarlane,
That dog didn't give a shit about that guy.
Seth MacFarlane did a cartoon thing with that where he's. They see a a a wolf over the ridge, and then they tell the whole story of like, that's a wolf that he saw years ago. And then they get up to it and it just wasn't a wolf and it eats them all. Oh man,
There is a real video, though, of one where the the guy meets it at the airport, and, uh, the dog doesn't recognize him immediately. It takes a few seconds and then figures it out and then starts wagging his tail like crazy and kissing him.
Ari showed me when he came back from his like, you know, trip with wherever the hell he went all over the world. He had his dog like at his house. And what he did was he put his shoes down before he came into the house and they had him fi. And and the dog started smelling his shit and went crazy, and then just started looking around the house. And then Ari came in and went nuts. But he's like, they just smell, they know what, like that, what their owners feel like.
well, Ari's dog's a good example. That dog bandit, that dog is 100 attached to Ari. Like when Ari goes to the bathroom here, it waits outside the bathroom door, just sits there, and you can't talk to it. You can't like, Hey, bandit, what's going on? It doesn't give a fuck about you, is that good it's always
or bad? hungry. Well, I always wanted that, that kind of attention, that I it's hard to leave think that was me alone.
a rescue dog, and I think that dog had a horrible life and now it has an amazing life. So it associates that guy with the love, that guy's, that's my, that's my savior, which
and that's the kind of appreciation. I don't think this fucking bitch is giving me.
well, different dogs are different ways, you know, like
that's fun. some, you don't You don't mind it, mind. you had I. I had a big dog and now we don't have one, but we're thinking about getting another one. And the consensus is to get a small dog, which I'm sort of like, eh, but it's not a bad deal, I guess, right?
Well, I have two dogs, so the other dog is a normal sized dog, he's a golden retriever, and you know, he, he's the worst watchdog than the little dog. He loves everybody, that dog has no favorites, everybody's his best friend, like everybody who comes over the house. If you guys all came out, he would just go to you to get pet, then go to you to get pet, then go you to get pet, and then come and check It's like my on me.
ex-girlfriend.
What is it? My dog? Is it any man? My dog's It's like the like that, too. That's why I 50 Cent song feel like many men, if my dog, though, growled at somebody or just instinct didn't like somebody, I would trust that instinct. Because she's same way, it's like she loves everybody, so if she was not not into someone, I'd be like, this guy's got. It's like, uh, I wonder the power you touch him and see his murders he's committed.
And my dog, My dog It's all my dog was is the good. piece of shit, super attached to my dog
me for a minute. is We and when me and my girlfriend would have sex, like, she would go outside of the door and she would just scratch at the door and whine, and it was the most distracting thing ever. Then I'd let her in and she'd just sit on the top of the pillow and stare at us while we were fucking.
Yeah, you have to invite her in, that's polite. she'll lick ugh, like a vampire,
the sweat off my head.
that's crazy.
yo, get over here, puddles.
Come here.
My dog has zero instincts, like zero survival instincts. It's he's hilarious. He ate two pounds of gravel because, uh, there was some chicken,
That's like my ex-girlfriend.
chicken food, some chicken food got spilled on the gravel, so he ate the chicken food and then just kept eating. And, uh, the way we found out is, uh, I, I came home and he's l- looked fucked up, like, just didn't look good. I'm like, You okay, buddy? And then, Bleh, he vomits up a bunch of rocks, and then he has diarrhea, the diarrhea has rocks in. I'm like, what the fuck? I take him outside, he's running around, shitting all over the place and throwing up, then I have to take him to the vet.
And they go, Yeah, he swallowed a bunch of these. We're gonna keep him overnight to see if he gets, see how it works. So he comes out, he's got an IV in his arm and fucking cone, as a look, it's sad, you know? And then what does he do immediately? He finds a turtle in the backyard and eats that. Like, I mean, immediately within days With the shell and nevertheless, everything, he just and he found a went, fucking turtle, and he bit into the turtle, and he ate turtle shells.
I had to take him back to the hospital. He had just gotten the cone off. We didn't really have to keep the cone on him, though, cause he wasn't really fucking with his, uh, his IV bandage hole or the area. That's what they you gotta make sure they don't lick that spot. But he was, uh, he just doesn't have any instincts, he's just love, like everybody. Like, if you come over to the house, you could have a fucking machine gun and be wearing a mask.
And he'd be like, Hello, hello, I'm your friend.
my dog doesn't give a fuck about fireworks, loud noises, she's never, like, startled.
Oh, my dog panics with fireworks. Oh, really, Yeah, he panics, the little one doesn't, but the big one, the Marshall, he hears fireworks like he just starts running around the house and whining. Like, if you're trying to watch a movie and there's a storm outside, you're fucked.
when's the last time you've really enjoyed a fireworks show?
I love fireworks. Still, Yeah, my birthday's the fourth I think I of July, dude. do. You know what And then I realized I go and I'm though? like, All Yeah,
I love cell phone videos of fireworks, I love going over my old cell phone videos of fireworks.
of ones that you saw personally,
Yeah, you gotta watch them over
your own memories.
and over and over again, like, Wow, what a memory. Yeah, has anybody ever watched a cell phone I never. I shot? You film watched it the next them and day nobody ever watches it. and then Of course,
and never watched it again. I have probably four hours of firework videos on my phone that I've never even looked at ever again, That's my though.
feeling about concert phones always is you're not gonna watch this, you're one not gonna watch of the wildest this.
videos. And this is before AI. There's a dude he's got, I don't know, an M80 or some kind of a some kind of a firework in his hand, and it blows off in his hand. Puerto Rican guy Blows his hand sideways, like you see blood is pouring out of his hands. And then this dude shotguns a beer holy shit, while he's holding his hand. And you could see the damage in his hand, his hand's blown apart,
yeah, it's like a big Hispanic guy,
and the dude shotguns a beer while his hand's blown
blast. And then that shows apart. the aftermath, his hands, like, done,
oh my god. I created this thing that I do the fireworks in, like it was part of our place, they play like structure. It's like a tube, so I put cinder blocks around it and I put the boxes in, so I light it. So in case it goes to the side, Oh, smart, it fucking hits the tube. We've had we've had boxes turn to the side and it just shoots in. It just right, through it's a plexi the fucking hit.
3rd floor windows, Dude, that's what I was. H. how important, We didn't have the how important tube, it went into
is it?
the bushes, people were fucking going out, eh? Running for everything. like two Now now I loon fun, got the tube, dude, it just shoots
so you do your own
straight up. I do my own. fireworks. I buy like 800 worth of fireworks.
oh, you're an animal. Yeah, I love it, Do they Your neighbor, have those
your neighbor problem?
things? Uh, you where do you live
Long Island.
in Long Island? Do they have those places where it's like a like, a little stand and then you can it's illegal go
in Long Island, so I gotta go to Pennsylvania.
Well, you get them, uh, there's you get, like, in Jersey, you can go to 7-eleven, and it's the fireworks. They don't shoot up in the sky, they shoot like eight feet in the sky,
They're okay. so they're kind
of fun. You get a box for like, 40 bucks.
in Texas, you can buy nuclear bombs. You can, literally, you go, you go to the fucking a truck that pulls over, like on the corner of the road, and you can buy things that you can't believe are legal. I've launched these fucking things from my backyard, you watch them shoot in the sky, and you're like, That's a real firework, like a legit Disneyland firework, just Gucci shit, fucking, cha, ching, cha, ching, cha. Six, seven of em in a row.
Look at these guys,
that's what I.
animals, look at the tube.
That's the kind of tube I have.
oh so, yeah, it was Oh my god, probably. It was probably and then they good for you.
light it and run. Yeah, you could, you could buy
Cause they go straight up. those,
small fires around the neighborhood. Good call, Steve.
you could buy those a mile from my house. Oh my god,
Yeah, they can do anything here, dude. They You could gave Kirk MescA, do anything they gave Kirk here. MescA a machine gun.
look at that.
Look at that, that's well, I launched one of those like that in my backyard. I'm not bullshitting. Here's the
Is that a success?
Texas. Yeah, that's not good, dude. Like, you just give that to anybody, because they don't have to point it at the sky, look how far that's Yeah, that's what I'm going. Imagine saying. Yeah, if you pointed that at your ex-girlfriend's house, you know, like you set it up in the back of a pickup truck, wedged it in there, lit that fucker, just angled it right.
Oh yeah, we used to have, uh, Roman Roman candle fights when we were kids, when we were teenagers. Oh, Jesus Christ, yeah, we
That's dangerous.
used to make chlorine bombs, did you ever make a chlorine bomb? What? oh, is that You take the guy? That's I'm not the guy a home who blows his
growing terrorist.
hand apart? Look at his hand is below God, M we're not and he shotguns
stupid like that.
a beer.
Oh, it's not even the guy I was talking No, it's a different about. Ooh, that's guy.
horrible, that's horrible. No, the guy we're Now. Do you
talking about was in New York City, I I appreciate think
the guy who's just like, Well, this is already a situation. Yeah, rock There's no can't, can't roll, turn the can't turn the clock back time, right? So this is a situation only I'm not gonna on once, cry. the toothpaste bro.
is out of the tube. And I'm already there's no in my underwear, second take. Yeah,
I'm already in my underwear on the couch Oh, look before. at it dripping, dude dangling,
I mean, his hand is below his thumb is the fuck like, apart,
it's like a claw now.
and then he just drinks.
what are you gonna do?
is that Uncle Laser? Fuck I mean,
Did you find the one of the guy I wonder what's in the end?
left of that guy's hand, I The guy, wonder what, before
it's nuts.
we, we can, we find out what happened to that So a guy's hand.
uh, a follow-up? Yeah, as a follow-up,
It actually works perfectly. That's the thing.
maybe it's better.
it's a terminator.
it's like a claw now.
All the scar tissue somehow held the hand together in a better You never way.
heard of chlorine bombs? We
It's been awesome.
used to make those. When we were kids, you take a two liter bottle of, like an empty two liter bottle of soda. You fill this chlorine tablets, crack up two of those, put them in the bottom, No, Steve, he drove rubbing alcohol,
the pool's asshole.
twist it, shake it and run, dude, and it just sizzles up and it just explodes. And if you're within like a perimeter, you get like you'll get knocked on your ass with a huff of chlorine.
so you could potentially make one of those and chuck it into someone's window.
Uh, you could put it in a mailbox, allegedly
Yeah, but it would take a while. The mailbox thing, Don't, though. you shake how much
it, you put it in the mailbox.
time do you have?
You have about 15 seconds before it goes off. Yeah, so so if It's
someone, it's like someone's window was open, and you know, you were, you throw were on the it into it, ground floor, and they were on the 2nd floor, you could, like, f- put the lid on that shake it, fucker.
throw it in, dude.
Ooh, that's the guy's hand. Oh my god, Oh my god,
Yeah, the the other photo here is, uh, very graphic. okay, let's His hand turned into go,
a swastika.
let's go. What's the other photo? I don't Here we go, know. here's the next photo. Oh my Oh god, oh, so he lost his whole hand,
Did that open? It's like, Terminator two. that's
that's a good mouth.
so crazy, that's crazy. Oh my god, He might have kept a finger. Fucking a
No, at that point, just cut it off, give me a little, give give me one me a stump. of them robot hands,
just yeah, give me a claw, like one of the the new but it I got that little gadgets. the little T,
does suck.
uh, Tyrannosaurus Rex head like they have on those stick things. Have fun with that Does that bitch. They didn't really have
suck?
the ones you could just twist on and make different, like like ones a hand, ones like you can, you know, like a like, clam first, claw, yeah, like for different
I think they do. uses.
yeah, I think a James Bond, one of those James Bonds, that was his thing. I met yeah, man,
a dude at the comedy store who was this guy from Australia, and he got his, uh, hand and his leg bitten off by a shark. And so he had a carbon fiber leg and a carbon fiber hand. The guy walked around, no limp, and he could shake your hand.
Light as a feather, too.
that's awesome.
yeah, look, you get tools. Whoa, That's better, that's a guy's that's better than ride or die.
a real hand.
that's better, dude. I would
It's better.
rather than having a deformed claw.
Definitely better than having a claw, and maybe you could put a vibrator on the other end of that thing, and
it's definitely not better than having a hand.
Yeah, how? definitely not better than Joe? If you put having a a vibrator on it, how are you gonna get it? Possibly get it in your ass? There's no angle.
you could make an angle, you could. There's another that's a different a attachment. tattoo. Yeah, dude,
Yeah, an elbow, I understand. Give your wife, give your yeah, it's husband a vibrator.
like that thing you gotta put between the, uh, front and and back of the vacuum cleaner, the long piece. The extension, oh, Yeah, it articulates, you have to screw something in the middle of it, and then it, it well, if they comes out.
start making body parts that are better than our parts, it's gonna be a problem. Cause people This is a are gonna wanna be Yeah, cyborgs. people already get fake tits, they don't like their tits, so they get a fake one, cause it makes their tits look better. If you can get arms that worked way better and you actually feel through them, there's gonna be dudes that get their arms hacked off.
But how do you weigh out like that? It's not like the psychosis of people who wanna just take off, you know what I mean? Like, now now there's a real gives people a reason who wanna do am, you know, voluntary Yeah, like, amputation.
Well, you know, there's healthy healthy arms, arm day.
No, that's what I'm saying, people who are like, I was not supposed to be born with this arm, I don't feel right with this left arm. You get it taken off, but like,
but you could just not have any regulations and let people do that. Like, if it gets to the point where it's that good, you could just say, Yeah, we're, uh, you know, my body's fine, don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those people, but I'm forty two and I'm starting to feel it. And, uh, Mike got a whole fake body, and fucking Mike is just having so much fun, he's got so much more energy than me and apparently no side effects.
So and you just so you need a go in there, doctor to go, take your fucking head off and screw it into some robot body.
it's weird to be able to take healthy arms off. And
Do you know about that guy? There's this one guy that was, uh, he got, I think he was like, a a doctor, and he had his legs removed. He he had his legs voluntarily amputated. He tried to pretend for a long time that it was like something wrong with his legs and had to get them amputated. But it turned out it was just a weird sexual fetish. so, uh, And so I think he got his license taken away, but this guy was a practicing doctor, I believe, doctor jailed after getting his own legs amputated for sexual fetish, then making insurance claim, he made an insurance claim.
Well, that's the crazy part. A vascular
chicks rule the world, though.
surgeon in England was sentenced to 32 months in prison for insurance fraud and possession of extreme pornographic images. That's interesting, like the insurance fraud, I get you put him in jail for that, but is extreme pornographic images? Those are illegal?
Yeah, cause his chick, he, he met a hot young chick that was like, I love getting stumped fucked, and I just feel like you can't disappoint that boy. sure, you're rich, Boy, oh man,
Well, it's hilarious. His name is his last name is Hopper.
that's crazy. He had been packing his
it sounds like a children's
legs in ice.
book about a very brave man. Look at this. He Hopper couldn't hop anymore.
he claimed that the the injuries to his limbs were the result of sepsis of sepsis, but in reality, Hopper had been packing his legs in ice and dry ice in an act of self-mutilation. Authorities said the defendant was paying a custom, uh, was a paying customer of a since-shuttered website that sold videos of amputations and body modification, including penises being removed. So that's what he got arrested for, as well as insurance fraud.
Do you remember those videos from back in the day? The, uh, body modification Oh, yeah, BME, extreme? Yeah, dude, that was a CR- half I knew of those were the guy who fake, but some
ran it.
of it was real.
Yeah, no, a lot of it was real.
Yeah, guys who, like, just like, fucking slice their dicks open with razor blades, like, crazy.
Do you know Devin LaRott, the world champion arm wrestler? Do you know who that guy is? Yeah, his brother was the guy who ran, uh, body modification extreme. Shannon Shannon LaRatt. I was friends with him. really. He ran that website. Yeah,
Yeah, what an awful thing to take submissions for every day. Is this good enough?
just the amount of shit you're seeing. you're gonna look at
Yeah, I flayed my asshole, maybe put this it in the maybe dude's, yeah, pile.
Packing his legs with dry ice to kill them, and then claim he's got sepsis, so he needs his legs removed. Like, that's wild,
The fact that people can sexualize everything is great. That's everything. like, remember how ridiculous the movie was Crash, where it was like, they have to be in car accidents while they fuck. Hm, like, it's how dumb it, but people are in the that's not. It's the strangest thing in the world now.
R- It's stupid, but it's like, Yeah, I could see there might be one case of that.
I don't know if I have sex sexualization in anything other than sexual stuff.
Good for you.
I don't have, like, foot, I never get the foot thing, never get foot fetishes.
Oh yeah, come on, a nice foot,
No, no, you're a weirdo, for nice feet sure. are pretty. Yeah, for nice feet. Small No, but I think size I got a six it's on a woman. Oh I do they turn I think it's nice, you on, they nice feet,
like, really get your dick hard, but that's a slippery slope.
no. Putting it in my mouth, like putting a toe in my mouth, turns me on. Not like looking at looking at feet, that's weird, but if a girl puts her foot in my mouth, little musty after the gym.
yeah, I don't know. every time I don't want
I talk, I was gonna be like, those. Well, I do, nope,
This little piggy stinks. No, yeah, this little piggy thanks.
came right from work, huh?
my Instagram algorithm is a mess, and I had this one that popped up the other day. It's an insert that women put in the bottom of their shoes, so the bottom of their shoes, like between their foot and the shoe is like the bottom. Like the the insole is like a flashlight. And she was sticking bananas, like lubing up her feet and sticking bananas in between her foot and the the spongy part, you know, like saying, like, Look, you could fuck the bottom of my foot.
And I just shot my phone off. I said, I'm not doing reset. this anymore, I'm not doing Just send me that this anymore.
video, Joe, when you get a chance, I just wanna see but it's like, how I actually do. I know, It but they'll they'll I can imagine,
hold their feet together to create the hole, right? So that they put their feet together. And then you could fuck the like, the soles of their feet, the foot like the arch, hole, you create, like, Yeah, I've heard, so I've heard,
I mean, feet is probably better than like wanting to fuck furniture or something like that. If you're gonna have a proclivity to something really bad, but I mean, like, imagine,
how about you guys stop being so fucking judgmental, you yeah, I'm just know? Yeah, Fucking feet saying, like, if you fuck you. and hand had to have one,
farts are pretty much one and the same.
no, they're not, dude.
No, I just, uh, the f- listen, if I I said, I'm not like a party stopper. So if a girl had nice feet and was like, I want you to suck my toes, I would, but I would you're at a party, never. I would never grab her ankle and stuff her fucking bunion foot in my face.
She's got hammer toes.
Yeah, I like a working girl,
knock a tooth loose. Le, le. It is weird, the the the things that people can sexualize.
that's what I mean, like, the
It's all. I think everyone's on a spectrum of whatever, like their freak is, like, whatever the the freakiest thing you like is on a spectrum, unquestionably.
Well, that's one of the weirder things about this whole trans movement, and there's nothing against trans people. But there was a real thing that existed before people just identify with the opposite sex and just feel like you're born in the wrong body. Like, I don't know what that feels like, I don't, you know, I'm not judgmental. But what I am curious about is whatever happened to autogynephilia. So autogynephilia is a real psychological condition where men get turned on dressing up as women, but they're not into men, they're into they don't identify as a woman, they're a man who gets turned on by dressing up as a woman.
It's it's been in the, like, psychological literature forever. And that these guys wanna have sex with women, but they wanna dress up like a woman. Like, now
like the professors who wear like panties under their fucking I think clothes. wasn't like Kirby Hoover that
a cross dresser or something like allegedly, that? Yeah, yeah, allegedly,
The website he was on was not just a weird, not oh, the surgeon just that.
that got his legs removed. Yeah, man, Oh boy, what was it? unicatemaker. Oh, my god, Com pay-per-view fetish website featuring videos of men and boys either maiming themselves or allowing others to mutilate them on camera.
that'll get you put in jail,
Is that not a dark Lord, yes, web? It's gotta be dark web. that'll get you put in jail. there's dude,
no hiding that. If if you somebody checks your search history and you have unicatemaker.
oh my god. Michael says his castration earned him $60 or 60 pounds, which didn't even cover the cost of his travel. Oh man, With him. Oh
I cut my dick off and my god, all I got was 60 pounds. That's a good shirt. my, my castration I cut my
paid my salary.
dick off and all I got was 60 pounds Oh my god, and the shirt.
Dude, I have it, I get.
people are. Did people get into the most fucked up things?
Uh, is that just like a like, a level of chemical imbalance that's in you, or is that that traumatized into you?
That's a good question.
Like, if someone's just like, I can't even get hard unless someone's is, this is a clown in the room,
But, or unless some what's the matter?
Bud. So the here. I was trying to find what he got, cause he got arrested for three counts of having extreme pornography, and I was hoping some article would say what it was. And here we go.
Here we go.
Steve? Okay, the 1st video cost Hopper 10 10 pounds. It shows Gustavin Gustafson castrating another man. The 2nd, costing 35 pounds, features a man tied to a bed while Gustafson rolls dice to decide which body parts to remove. The man ended up losing his penis and testicles and bled so much that Gustafson called an ambulance, all with the camera still rolling. In a 3rd video, also costing Hopper 35 pounds, a man cut off his own penis and holds it up to the camera.
Fuck this is, this is me, bizarrely affordable. The
prices these days are cut, these are way low prices Well, no, I think for FOP
it's. It's not one per. because of It's like the only like OnlyFans, a girl will sell her tits for 20 bucks, but it's like a thousand dudes are buying it. So but you can get the only a bundle guy okay, but
for sure.
that's just showing your tits. This is f-fellating your co- opening your cock like a hot dog bun.
I want to watch Steve I Foley's own cock get I almost some good ass potatoes.
did that day, dude. Holy shit, holy next year's shit. up, and the summer What about what games, about, like, if you had, like, say, I had a Prince Albert, would you think about me differently? Would you be like, Oh, that's like this, a rod through your the rod through the head?
cockhole. I'd say you got problems. I would say, generally, generally Cock cock a dude who's metal piercing, cock in his dick. piercing, cause, there's there's a thing, I mean, I'm not judging. guys, guys
get implants in their dicks so their dicks are like, pumped. Like, you know, they like ribbed for her pleasure, like they make their dick ribbed for her pleasure. That's called I, it's for her I went down barbs, piece, a rabbit it's crazy. hole. So, uh, It's like a bead on Instagram, under the skin.
they can't show dick enhancement operations, but they do link to their YouTube. And so somehow, in my fucking pop-up, I see this guy somehow, who's looking, he's, he's got this piece of something in his hand that looks remarkably similar to Ren and Zini's fucking fish fillet. And he's like, moving this thing around and saying, This is going to add three inches and 2 inches of diameter. And he's like explaining all the different things, this is gonna do.
And then you realize, like, Oh, that's going in a dick, he can't show it to you. But then he talks to the guys afterwards, he says, Tell me about the experience, like, Oh, I'm so happy, it's, it looks amazing, I look at it in the mirror, it looks amazing. And then it's like, Check out more on my YouTube channel. Like, Ugh, you got me, so on the YouTube channel, you s you see the dicks, you cause you're it's a medical
so this is where dick dick procedure, so you can enlargement,
look at a lot of dicks on YouTube, as long as It's medical, it's a medical context. So you're seeing these guys puffed up hogs where they're, they're taking this like thing and they're, uh uh, uncutting on where the ball meets the dick. And they're shoving this sheath in, this plastic sheath that stretches it out and plumps it up.
Jay considered getting liposuction on his foo, but it'd make his dick bigger. That's a real story.
well, so it's not gonna make it bigger, it'll show bigger, It'll show it was you like a nice it would show
house with good furniture.
bigger. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you have to judge it up. Ah, what
It's a real thing. took, what took That's a real thing.
me, what took me out of it? I went for the, uh, you know, what do you call Consultation. it? Tuxedo consultation? And when? And I don't know why I didn't see this coming for, so, like, I was like, Well, of course, he's gotta see the situation that he wants to get in there and fix. Yeah, so he's comes in and sits on a a stool where he is eye level with my dick. And he goes, pull your pants down.
And I was like, Ah, shit. So I pull em down to my knees and he goes, Now come over here in the mirror. And I'm like, Oh, I don't wanna do this part either. No, kiss me, He goes, Um, he goes, Okay, this is how your penis looks when you're standing naturally now. And then he gives me a a fucking a diamond cutter around my dick and balls, and he pushes back and he goes, and that's what it will look like after the surgery.
Now, wait, okay, can I go? And I never looked back, I never looked back. And then I was like, Yo, get the fuck it's the most out of here, that was crazy, annoying. Oh my god, that he fucking was crazy.
diamond cutted your dick and Yeah, he balls. You know what pushed it back, just
like that, when my when he said Yo, I just had my wiener poking through his diamond, it was insane.
would it have been more uncomfortable if before he did it, you said, I want you to feel safe?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, put your hand on my low do you have gloves back, dude,
on?
You want you to be comfortable, yeah, it grew dude.
me a little. I'm just throwing I just it in a fire.
want you to relax.
Hey, you probably look good in your dick, pic, you Oh my probably look good god, in your dick in the mirror, standing up.
Oh boy, I'll never think about that again. That's what I'm. That's what I'm gonna think Dang, about from Maybe he was now on. Illuminati,
man, I dude, it sucks.
It is kinda crazy that with all of our technology, there's no dick enhancement medication yet. If there was, it bills.
would be out there. I mean, like, it would be the biggest thing, it would be the hair hair transplants in Turkey. It I would be that remember your old every once in a bit, dude, while. you remember your pet
of 15 years? You like, the guys would just be chugging them. I They'd have I get fucking big it. 30 minutes hogs.
before the first guy dies of an overdose. They tr- they go, found out, find out how much gives me a stroke and take one less than that. Like, that's that would be the problem. But I mean, it's kind of amazing that no one has come up with anything like it's just like a problem they can't solve. Like cosmetic surgery in women has solved so many problems.
Well, when they say that they, you know, they, they probably can cure cancer, but they don't because the treatments and the, you know, the What is this money's in the treatment.
speaking of cancer?
But everyone would get, uh, dick-beginning surgery,
Of course.
for sure.
Except there's a few dudes out there. Uh, Viagra may reduce cancer metastasis. Wow, Viagra was originally developed to treat high blood pressure and chest pain caused by reduced blood flow to the heart. But over the past 3 decades, become the world's best known therapy for erectile dysfunction, uh, dysfunction, dysfunction. So what is it saying now? Um, okay, sildenafil limits cancer cells ability to make use of cholesterol. Wow, an essential component of cellular membranes. Cholesterol is particularly important for cancer cells seeking to break away from the primary tumor and migrate throughout the body and invade distant organs.
Wow, Viagra can keep cancer from spreading. Interesting.
Thank God, that's why I take it then.
promise I can't get my dick hard unless I have cancer. So
Oh, boy, it's like that guy with the the legs. You know, give yourself cancer just to get hard.
Crazy asshole.
I just wanna, I wanna jerk off with an oxygen tube in my nose, I just wanna be barely breathing. Just know I could still nut.
But once you get, like, desensitization, too. Like, there's videos of pretty attractive women blowing and fucking horses, like they've been talked into this somehow, and they're not going like, uh, uh, when they grab you're into the guy, like, they're like, Yeah, it's like, all right, we rollin, all right, let me suck this horse's dick real quick.
and they're big.
And I'll tell you what, it's always a surprise come shot.
It's surprising.
It just blows their massive
It's just surprising.
apart at the jizz, it shoots all out of the sides, and then they're like, There's Uh, they're
a job where, like, you have to collect the semen from horses. Essentially, you have like a giant pocket pussy for a horse, and they have to fucking jerk the horse off into this giant tube to well, the horse collect it.
fucks the thing while you hold it. Oh, I guess It's like, what I did, so we did with you,
the one time on Legion of Skanks. Jay held a flashlight and he jer- and he jerked me off nope, with it. Yeah, he jerked you fucked me off with a flashlight.
it, you're gay. what? congratulations,
I think I missed that that episode's week. gay.
no, there was nothing gay about it. Nobody touched each other.
But Louis did fuck the flesh light, I just held he jerked me it.
off with it.
It's not gonna happen.
it seems gay.
Who is holding the flashlight? He was holding the Me? flashlight and jerking Gay.
me off with it. He fucked Oh, wait, you him. moved or The thing is, he fucked his dick isn't
you?
big enough to just hold it in the air.
He basically, he basically fucked him.
This is a great question that we've come up with in the past. Joe, is it gay if you open your mouth and a guy puts his dick in your mouth, but it doesn't touch any of the edges? it's just occupying the
It's a good question. space inside
your mouth, but you're you're not blowing him, like the Well, even game of operation,
if it is gay, the guy's definitely a bottom, cause his dick's so small it doesn't bang the edges at all. very You know what, what possible. Yeah, kind of accuracy you would have to have? You know how you play that game? Operation? That's, that's what it's like. It's like oh, you the most
do a lot of buzzing,
advanced game of operation. And if it touches a tooth or a tongue, the guy gags.
yeah, your nose lights up red. You just go,
big, uh, I think a little Tyler, like a Steven Tyler's family, like maybe one of those people they've been the probably. champions, yeah, you're
they've been the champions.
not gonna be. My dick could easily fit in your mouth space.
Nah, come on, shut up. Ah, you think, come on, look at that. Is it But I don't
gonna get? know how far is it? is it gonna get
you get in there. demonetized? No, I'm I'll tell you, kidding, I'm kidding.
cause these things are you? But I've been wrong about things before. I was always like, my dick probably can fit right through a fucking toilet paper roll, but it can't.
Or, uh, the head of a, um, a Gatorade bottle. You gotta piss in a car, and I'm like, Oh, my dick could easily fit in a Gatorade bottle.
It can't. No, it's crazy. No,
You gotta shove it in. You know how many times Ari Shaffir
you make it fit.
Ari Shaffir sitting in that very chair where you are is pissed into fucking kombucha bottles. How many? how many times? Jamie?
I mean, which one? Which episode? Like multiple times per
Multiple times?
show?
He just won't use the bathroom, he he just piss in a bottle. He Did he tell went out,
you? Is it?
no, he just pulls his dick out and starts peeing in a bottle. And then one time he went out in the hall and he pissed in the. And I had to go. Ari, Jesus Christ, just the bathroom is five steps later. Just keep stepping and then you're in the bathroom. Stop, we were going down Total.
a really bad rabbit hole with Ari, cause Ari, like, was remember, Skankfest, oh, he, like every he shit into year, a tupperware. Dougie, he
that was the better years,
shit on, uh, at Skankfest
that's the escalation.
on stage during Kill Tony. He came out and he in front of the entire audience, got naked, put cardboard on the floor and just shit on the cardboard. I walked to the room and Ari was playing with his shit, like everyone's like, what the fuck is going on? I was like, Well, I gotta go, I can't watch Genie this.
Allen type shit.
Yeah, that's what the guy who fucking wanted to kill Bjork did.
yeah, he played with his shit.
He covered himself in shit and shot himself.
If Ari killed Bjork, I wouldn't be stunned. yeah, like, he He lost I bet they've crossed it, paths with his travels. I bet. Ari was Do you ever see
in Iceland.
that one time where Bjork fucked some guy up at the airport? like, physically, Yeah, some journalist was, um, it was a guy, or maybe it was a woman, some, but some journalist was harassing her at the airport. Like following her around, camera in her face, and she just eventually turns and just starts wailing on the person. I r- I thought it was a dude, but now that I'm thinking about it, it might be a lady. I think it's a lady, but I can't remember, just just
but I do remember the starts fucking this video. lady up She's like, Yeah, she's like,
at the airport.
trying to ignore him completely, and they just had a note where it's, it's zero sixty.
so this person's like, just shoving, whoa, Yeah, it's a woman, Oh yeah, it's a woman. Yo whoa, fucking feral dude, that's you know? So Oh, this that's funny. ferocious.
woman's hitting her with the microphone, too, she's fighting Dan back. Soder show Not well,
Dan Soder showed me years ago a funny thing. A Bjork on YouTube, it's just Bjork explains the insides of a computer, and it's really her, and she's just like,
It looks like a little city, and the people go up in the elevator, maybe, and the and the wires are like the people, maybe.
And she's like, she's. Or she explains an open T, it's what it is. An open T. V. goes, Bjork explains an open T. V. It's
It looks like this would be the little elevator.
it's so fucking funny. Bjork
that's a rude thing to explains, just run up to someone and stick a camera in their face like that.
Yeah, I don't believe, like all those, like, uh, first amendment guys, who. They'll just stand outside of, like, a like a store and they'll videotape you. And you're like, Wha- what are you taping for? It's like, What's your problem, dude? Free speech, it's America, you can do this. And you're like, I'm People looking for gonna fucking trouble. kill you, get the camera out of my face. And then it's like a whole, yeah, that's it's a whole genre police.
on on X and on.
Well, there's just too many people looking for content.
I was gonna say, if you go like this, if the response to what someone says to you is what? It's Is this the like, you're already
same one?
an asshole.
Uh, second incident.
the 2nd Bjork attack. Oh, she's wild. She attacked a paparazzi photographer after arriving in New Zealand for a concert. This is in what year was this?
Uh, it's not. It's 18 years ago, so it's like, sh, that doesn't have to be around town. She goes hard, You she's like a know what I'm saying? girl Axel Rose, she's not well, that dude. No, shut thing says up.
2008, okay. So she took a couple of pictures. As I turned to walk away, she came up behind me, grabbed the back of my black skivvy and tore it. Uh, as she did this, she fell over, she fell to the ground. At no point, at no stage, did I touch her or speak with her. Bjork said nothing during the incident, but her male companion was saying, B, don't do this, B, don't do this. She's just wild.
Yeah, untethered. Unfeathered. Yeah, oh yeah, she dresses like a duck.
yeah, yeah, you grow up with an umlaut in your name, it's gonna create mental problems. Where did you find
Did you find? Yeah, is she from
these? Did you find Bjork Icelandic?
Iceland? that describes it Bro, those are wild people, that's a wild place.
Iceland?
That that, yeah, that's a wild place.
I've always wanted to go to Reykjavik.
That is a cold ass wild place filled with giant human beings. Like some of the biggest strong men in the world, all come from Iceland, It's like like the mountain, that Prometheus. guy from, I Oh, yeah, yeah, Bjorn think, Game of or whatever. Yeah, Thrones, yeah, um, a b- a bunch of the strong men. It's like, it's like a freakish culture of humans up there.
Is it just genetics, or is that what they do for? Yeah, Vikings,
Oh, it's like the Magnus they're the for Magnuson's, yeah,
yes, those are the real Vikings, the leftover Vikings. And when you see those guys winning those strongman competitions, you gotta imagine a fucking boatload of them, a boatload of them coming over, pulling up on your shore with battle axes and fucking running out. They're on mushrooms, a monomor- yeah, yeah, they
sounds awesome.
would, they would get, they would be tripping on mushrooms when they would go berserking. Oh, bro. And that's like they're still there. It's like those genetics are still in those fucking mountains.
Did you go there just to travel there, or did you?
no, I just know about it, I just know a lot about Iceland, specifically because of, uh, the, uh, strongman culture. It's very weird. It's weird that how many of the strongest men in the world all came out of Iceland. And you see the size of them, you're like, Oh, okay, I get it, like these are not regular humans. Like, if if you were like a pygmy tribe and you got in a boat and you landed in Iceland and you got out.
Like back in the day and you little 4 foot tall people. And then all of a sudden you saw th- they're like, that's a totally different species.
it's like the scene in the Odyssey where the giants are fucking running through the woods and just
they're real giants. hacking them up. Yeah,
Boiler alert.
I know I haven't seen it. it's so good, Oh, fuck,
I loved it.
I haven't seen it yet either. I heard it was great, though. I'm not sure. dude, You want Even the people that were mad at it for being, you know, woke casting or whatever, they still said it was fucking
did take me out of awesome. it. I will say, Uh, what's her name? um, Elliott what? is his name? Elliott Page Page? Yeah, they. They booked him to be like a like a a soldier. And you're like, every time he talks on screen, you're like, that used to be a woman. I'm not, but like, it just kinda took me out of it. But the
The only thing less scary than a female cop trans cop?
I've had nothing but pleasant interactions with trans men. women to men, I Yeah, yeah,
had a I had an they don't see interaction the other day, Joe, with a tran, a woman to man trans man, we, uh, we told this on Legion of Skanks.
Oh, dude, this story is fantastic.
So I I'll give you the quick version of it. I'm pulling out of a parking space, there's a city bike guy coming by and I almost hit him. He falls off his bike and he's like, Yo, what the fuck? And Louis I'm like, is an urban W- deer. I'm a terrible, I'm a terrible driver. I've talked about this a lot. So I'm like, Are you okay? He's like, Yeah, dude, I'm fine, but watch where you're going.
I'm like, Ah, cool. So this woman starts screaming from the street and she's like, Stay right there to me, she's like, stay right there. And the guy's like, No, no, no, I'm okay, don't worry, miss. I get out of the car, I'm like, what's going on? And then, uh, she's like, you can't go, you hit a pedestrian. I was like, I didn't hit him, he's fine. He's like, I gotta go, he takes off on his bike.
So she starts screaming at me and at this point, I'm going like, I'll stay for this. This is gonna be like a fun argument, why not? So I start yelling back and I'm like, Fuck you, you dumb bitch, mind your business, you Karen. She calls the cops, right? So she's on the phone with the cops, being like, he's, he's threatening me, and now I'm like, I'm like, now I want the cops to come. Now, this is like a whole thing.
The whole block is watching, there's like 20 people on the block watching.
It's crazy how not Puerto Rican you see yourself. I know Let's get the cops
how awesome. here, let's Yeah,
get the cops here. They'll probably, they'll probably look at me and think that I'm gonna be the one who's reasonable. So then, uh, there's Jim, a mirror, a a mirror, you fucking get shit. a new costume, dude,
So then, uh, a what I believe is a female to male trans. I'll show you, I'll show you, I think, on my phone, I'll show you the picture. It looks like Conor McGregor, but it's got a woman's voice. So it's screaming out the window and he's like, he's like, why are you talking to a woman that way? I'll come down there and kick your ass, and now I'm like, come down here and kick my ass, motherfucker.
And I'm yelling at her, I'm yelling at him.
So the trans man was saying that they were gonna kick your they're gonna kick my ass.
ass. So then I'm like, I want you to come down here. I've been waiting for this moment, I've been training for this day my entire life. Yeah, so then, uh, he goes out, he's like, Oh, yeah. And he comes back with a gun like this and goes, Yeah, you want this smoke? And I'm like, Oh, shit,
Where was this?
this is in the East New York, Village in New York City. So then I'm like, and but when somebody pulls a gun in New York City or flashes a gun, I'm assuming it's a a BB gun, a replica. Guns in New York are not easy to come by, especially like a little white trans. Like, I, I'm just like,
I like to say, you've been waiting your whole life to, uh, fucking let a woman finally become a man so you could punch them. He's like, Well, I wish there was still. He goes, Oh, can you please let me do your wife? You know, go get some fucking trans surgery? I wanna punch you in the face.
so the cops come right, they tell the woman, they're like, What do? Th- there's no crime here. The guy left. It was like, No, but mind your business. She leaves. Then I go to the cops, I was like, Well, you should know this little, uh, man up here pulled out a gun.
Now, who's the Karen?
Yeah, so then now now there's. They shut down the block, fire trucks on both ends, ambulance, 20 cops on the block. They're waiting to storm this dude's apartment. And I'm sitting there, like, this is the greatest I love moment of my life.
how progressive you're being through this entire
I'm calling him a dude, conversation. Man, I'm calling him a dude the whole time.
We also don't know for sure.
I don't know. It could've been, it could've been a gay guy with an effeminate voice. I'll show you the picture in a second or the video. So, uh, so then the cops finally come, and after like 45 minutes, they go into the building, like they're waiting for whatever. And I'm sitting there, I'm, I'm, I'm listening. I'm at the bottom of the stairs, listening. And and the trans dude is yelling at the cops and they're yelling at him.
And I'm like, Oh, they're gonna fucking shoot him. This is the greatest day of my life, they're gonna light him up. I'm waiting for a gunfight to happen, right? The cops come Your whole life back 2 minutes later boiling to the and I was like, surface, I was like, where, where is he? And they're like, it wasn't a gun. I was like, what was it? They were like, it was a black dildo. He had a black dildo with a gun handle that he flashed at me through the window.
which, by the way, a black dildo is more scary to a Puerto Rican guy than It's a gun.
oh my god, a black dildo with a gun handle.
dude. They shut down the whole city block for a black dildo with a gun That's a great handle.
episode of like, CSI. Could you imagine the cops going into the apartment, guns drawn? And he's like, Hold get the on, take it fuck off me, off me. It's a dildo, and you see the cops, like, lower their guns, like, what the fuck?
I would like to have a dildo gun, though, I know, like a gun, like a dildo with a gun handle on it.
And when you pull the trigger,
It's fantastic. the head swells, bang, bang, I mean, it would be a fun thing to have. You probably wouldn't use it much.
and and maybe a lighter on the end of it,
That would be nice.
then you would use it a lot more. That's true. A little They're, they're both flame, fun and practical.
oh my god, a little flame comes out of the cock head on the end of my gun.
a little flag pops out of his Good for you, like face. And I go, Don't a like a cigar fuck
lighter flame, like a good a torch fucking torch.
relax, officers. It's just a cock lighter gun.
he, he does it. Holster Just a your guns.
just a regular old cock holster gun. Someone said you can't, uh, get in New York now, just like the rubber fake black guns anymore. They won't deliver, they won't deliver them to New York at all.
So why? Why are you so insistent on being involved in conflict?
no, I'm not. Conflict finds me. That That's
seems like you might have I had conflict heard of it,
at Jay's hotel before I came here. I, I it just regularly dude, finds me for some reason. And I, it's like a Larry David thing, like, I can't let it go. But I'm not like a nebbishy old Jewish guy, so I fucking react like a Puerto Rican.
you're a psychotic Puerto Rican. Yeah, so
I a little, a little slight, like I, I kinda like, well, you know, that's, and then it just turns, it starts a snowball into like a bigger thing.
Well, I understand how it could happen. Yeah, that's like when you drink and drive and crash your car and you're talking to the Well, I just started with 1 drink. And then like, I get it, I know it happens, just don't do that. But I
probably right.
I definitely. What we share is in that thing, like, I'm the person I have to. I'm learning to try to get better, especially as I get older. But like, I'm the idiot, like, cuts me off in traffic and gives the finger. I'm like, I'm hunting this guy with my yeah, I car, and do the it's the same
same thing too.
thing, too. And my hope is that I get it on his ass enough that he ends up cartwheeling down the fucking road. And then people are like, Are you out of your fucking mind? Like, who? like, fuck, that guy, he's in, like a shitty car, like, who cares? And I'm like, No, it's, it's justice, we we have to bring justice to Dude, I, the people.
I have had that. Remember, um, uh, Runyon, Ca- not Runyon Canyon, Laurel Canyon. How you get to the top of Mulholland and and everyone would try to get into the right lane and then cut back over. I literally dri- I was like, drove a guy where I'm like, I'm not. We did chicken all the way. I'm like, I'm gonna drive him into the fucking dog park. I will let this happen right now rather than let this fucking guy cut me off.
I wanna drive him into the fucking dog Road rage park.
is the weirdest thing. I don't know what it is, When you like, just gets get home, so angry.
when you get home, you're like, Thank God, I didn't get out of the car, like, what a fucking idiotic you know where thing. That would
it comes from?
kill someone.
It? It comes from your your body's on a heightened sense of awareness because you're driving a car really fast. So you're aware that you have to make split second moves, things are moving, and you're going like this, so you're already at seven, that's what it is. So anything that happens, like, fuck you, you are you, you don't go from zero to fuck you, you're already at seven cause you're in a car. Like, you don't realize that your car, your tens, especially in LA.
J- people are driving fast, a lot of people are cutting people off. You're always thinking, you always have to be alert and looking and paying attention, cause you're aware of the consequences. So you're at this heightened state of awareness, so any little slight that happens is like you're at war. it is, That's what it is.
it feels that way, dude.
You, but you gotta realize that, like in the car and like, chill. It's hard to do. Everybody makes mistakes, everybody. Yeah, but just don't chase people down your car. It's a great If you have
Louis bit.
to go, fuck you, let out the fuck you, but, you know, don't chase em, don't It's a great don't.
Louis bit where he's like, somebody, all they have to do is like, slightly go into your lane and you're like, Fuck you, you motherfucker. You get so angry so fast for like, the slightest little, like I've been they barely. thinking,
so that's where it comes from. what I've been taking
to, I'm thinking about getting a dry erase board to keep in my car. Cause all I really wanna do is I feel like I have the skill to say something that's gonna ruin their day. If they just see it real quick, it'll just get back whatever you need to get back. The problem is now I gotta knee drive while I wipe my clever quill. Maybe instead of a I hope your dry erase board, sister, Hm,
you can get like a LED banner on the front of your windshield, you can say and then you could just say it and it'll print it out. damn,
they're not gonna let you print out yeah, the thing swears. They wouldn't be able is, No way.
to stop you.
he goes, someone's got tech money over here.
Yeah, well, if you think about it, it's not a there's no law that says you can't have that, right? Can you have, uh, an LED thing that shows letters? Well, I it might don't know, maybe
be distracting. you can't. man, maybe Yeah, not, Well, Steve,
I don't know.
you have the middle finger thing when I have you pull the middle finger out, in my car, so he turns it on,
has five. So it'll either give like a this, like, thanks, man, you let me in. It'll give like a like, some something like a thumbs up, and then it'll give the fucking bird, dude. It's like, hit the f like,
Here. Using an LED banner or scrolling message sign on a car is generally illegal while driving on public roads. All right, well, you know what you can get? You can get a, um, one of those loudspeakers, cause I saw one of those, uh, survival trucks. It's like a bulletproof survival truck, and it has an alarm like, like, like a siren, like a cop siren, and it also has like a you talk a, a loudspeaker. to her, A attention,
that's great. attention, please Oh my God,
leave the road.
that'd be great. I hope You could see your mother me do that gets AIDS. cat. Yeah, Carry on.
you could 100 get that installed in your car. That would actually be hilarious,
Oh, that's a goodie.
but then you could make viral videos of you.
Cursing people out. I love it.
bro, that's actually a good idea, and I think, let's find out if that's legal. Where do you live? Where do you live in
Jersey, Jersey.
Jersey? See if that's legal in Jersey.
You got a birthday coming up, big guy. I hate those
Uh, we'll hook you up.
air horns.
I'll find a guy, I'll find a guy You ever to have installed.
guys like, fucking curse people What kind of car out?
are you driving these days?
Ram truck?
Oh, perfect, plenty of room back there, plenty of room. They can get the oh, 100. They probably make it already, they probably make one for it. You're Like, you can get imagining a much, cows out of the road and shit.
you're imagining a much manlier Ram truck. Jay's is all souped out with like, like lights and shit on the bottom and Nice. All strobes.
Ram trucks are pretty fucking manly. Yeah, dude, so I love Ram. the I've had a
there's a ram on the back, you asshole,
two different TRXs. You ever have a t you ever drive a TRX? It's the most ridiculous car you could drive.
like fucking fast, right?
It's like a 700 horsepower truck that you get right from the factory. Okay, sound and boom car laws plainly audible rule under New Jersey law. Operating a vehicle sound system or loudspeaker that is plainly audible at 50 feet or more is illegal.
To be fair, it's more illegal to chase somebody and run them off the road. But here's the
I'll tell the cop that
thing about that, uh, using exterior-mounted speakers, PAs or loud system or loud, uh, playing sound from open doors. Boom parties that exceeds the distance threshold can result in roadside citations. Emergency sirens
low price.
mimicking official emergency vehicle sirens or horns with a car speaker system is strictly prohibited. The thing is like, you could still buy those This is doable, trucks, this is doable.
yeah, this is all doable.
It's like they have to prove that you have that in there,
But also 50 feet is like, I don't need that much space. I'm gonna get next to him to make sure he hears it. Yeah,
50 feet's not that far. I'm and then I'm gonna like,
go look at my face while I put my But clear, I hope you fucking
plainly audible.
cartwheel home at some point and your car flips over and you don't have airbags and you're a piece of shit.
This is weird because horns
Carry on.
are plainly audible. There's no law that you can't just lay on your horn.
Did you ever hear those air horns No, they're all the ones that sound about you can't like
holding on your horn for an extended amount of time. You can get a ticket for it. But I've done that oh, yeah, in New York traffic dude,
when I've been the one that's like, agitated and late. I feel like, do you know? If you hang, lay on your horn enough,
it turns off. it just stops Yeah, and then it won't really, work again for yeah, you,
a while.
you got all, you gotta get an old car, Yeah, there get a car
you go.
before the government got involved. You know, like it shuts it a 1983 off. Ram. Honking a car horn in New York City is illegal unless used as a warning of imminent danger. Well, someone needs to put all those cab drivers in a jail. And V- Violator fines ranging from $800 to $2,500. Wow, that's crazy,
It's really illegal to give a little zap when, like, someone's not going in front of you, cause you see they're on you'd their phone get a tap, and you can get them also.
that's crazy, though. Imagine you lay on the horn and you get 252,500 dollar
I think a little beep, charge. like, that's polite beep, hey, you're not paying attention, Well, it's important, beep.
cause every now and then people don't see you and they they need to know.
especially bikers.
There's a whole s, there's a whole, uh, oh, Gerard Butler, maybe movie or something, or no, it was Russell Crowe movie about that. Like, his whole anger is the girl behind him wouldn't apologize for laying on the horn. He was like, I didn't know the light turned green. You could've just given like a, it's that simple, like, and she was like, fuck you. And then the movie's just him chasing her and murdering her family.
One, um, a second and a half sounds so aggressive. Like, just like a beep, that's cute. You're like, all right, you gotta pay attention, but if you're like, and beep, just that, you're like, fuck you, buddy. No, yeah, that's right, they're
you're looking for trouble.
solstice. Is that what it's called? Un unhinged. unhinged? Oh, and yeah, it's pretty good, I'm sure it's good. Russell Crowe's the fucking man.
he's like, you just you have one of these, and You'd she's over get a tap, his shoulder, like, just like that. There's no reason to do this.
I had a Tesla and, uh, the horn wasn't in the center, it was a button. It was a button on the steering wheel, and every time something happened, where's the button? And it was never good, it was ne- it was a terrible
But you need to be able idea. to put a little something in.
Yeah, even if you're like, it could you reach it with your thumb, you could reach it with your thumb, but there's other shit there too. You know, you're fucking in a m, ah, you turn it should the button,
be in the center, you just slam the center. everybody
You turn your windshield wipers on, knows you're like, fuck the motherfucker,
the new ones. Do it now, it's in the center, but you lock this this
in cruise control.
one was a button on the fucking cock sucker. Yeah, it was terrible, I hated it. He did a bunch of shit that supposedly makes them better, that I think is not good. And one of the things they removed, the blinker thing, there's no stalk, now it's buttons,
it's all buttons now on it's buttons, the new ones. There's
so I fuck it up all the time.
there's no. Even the drive. I have an old T Model three, you know, you drive and reverse is still, uh, on the side. Now That's the new ones are just better. it's Tesla. The screen, yeah, Yeah, well, the yeah,
new one, mine, you, ha- you swipe, you swipe up to go forward and swipe I like to back to go
go there. backwards. It's like, Yeah, it's getting too like,
Yeah, how about a thing like a car? well, they're video
cause they're video gaming it for young people.
Well, I think they're removing everything because they're eventually gonna get to fully automated cars. And the idea is make everything buttons. So they already have this. These cyber cabs that are traveling around all over Austin. You see Oh, that's them with it's always
no way. no windows. that's a Halloween. Oh, gold ones,
good call. Yeah, nobody Yeah, yeah,
in em.
Yeah, they never drop you off at the right place, sometimes they don't move. You're sitting in there and you're like, support, the cyber you call them, you're cab, yelling at them, Yeah, in the Waymos, yeah,
no, there's different cyber cab, is like a gold gold, s like it looks like a small, it looks like a small cyber truck. it's like a weird gold looking
oh, I've seen them.
model Fiasco. Um, and then there's other ones that seem to be different colors that have cyber cab logos on em. I don't know if it is a cyber cab, but the Waymos, I saw a Waymo doing a pretty aggressive lane entry the other day. I was like, Huh,
Like, almost cutting someone off,
yeah, I was like that, really. that, yeah. Just assume that the person next to him is gonna like, stop and just went right in front of him. I was like, Whoa,
learn how to drive.
but it was like, they're getting a little comfortable.
wanna bet this is an Asian or a girl?
I calculated the amount of time it would take me to change lanes, and it was adequate.
The the. I had a dri- Uber driver last night tell me that she's like, I told her I took a Waymo, she, because she was like, Nah, I don't really do that, you know? It's just like,
You should smell my farts and listen to my music.
But I was like, she's like, it's better than Waymo's better than the old company they had. She's like the old. There was another company, I can't remember what she said, but it was like they were going under the assumption that w- that it would learn. The car would learn from other drivers, and what it did is it learned horrible habits. It was like going through red lights, Rolling it was going
through a red light?
like 50 through a t a school zone and shit like. It learned from actual real Assholes people how to fucking drive That's poorly. And they were like, Oh, crazy, we gotta shut this thing down. Like, I got in a Waymo, and it's like, if you gotta get like, I have like 20 minutes to get to the airport, and the Waymo says, like, 24. You can't be like, step on it. It's like it's only gonna go as fast as it's going to go.
You can't, like, ask it to go Yeah, well, you're supposed hurry up. Mo- But then the to leave other problem is sometimes your fucking house
you tell an Uber, you earlier. tell an Uber driver to hurry up. Sometimes, like, they pull over and they're like, get out, and you're like, what? This happened to me twice now,
what?
where I've been like, I'm, I'm in a big hurry. And the guy just literally just pulls over and he goes, Get out, I'm not
what?
taking you. And then you can't do anything cause they have all of your information and you can't like, so you're just like, that's like, what did I that.
say? Like, you, you can't. Oh, really,
You have to be a that's little smoother with it, I guess.
yeah, I'm kind of in a rush or what, I don't know.
Hey, I don't, you know, it's not a requirement, but it would be nice if we can get there a little quicker.
Yeah, have you? Because, uh,
Well, Uber and Uber Eats, they I think there's just no over no answer or anything. That's why they don't, couldn't give a shit, I feel like, especially in the city areas, they don't give a fuck. have you done
yeah, I don't do it
the full self-driving thing yet?
all the time, all the Yeah, it's I D time.
I. I brought my car and they gave me a rental for a couple days, and I literally was like, Well, let's try it. W- right to the city I ignored it for New York City.
a long time. I always like to drive myself, but then recently, over the last like year or so, coming home from the club at night, you know, ha- having a good time at the club, laughing with the boys. I'm like, I don't wanna pay attention. I'd rather just make a phone call, so I call like a buddy of mine back home and we're talking on the phone. And I'm literally just sitting down and the car's doing everything, stopping it does you, at every red light.
you do, you don't so it's fully have to. Fully automated now, you don't Fully, you don't have
and that's legal.
to do anything. fully.
This must be a a a question that's already asked probably a thousand times, but like, are you able to like, drink
No, it's got a camera in it, so
no. And if you're drunk No, I don't and you say,
mean drink, I don't mean drink like, uh, in it, I'm saying, Are you able to drink? Do you get
that's what I was gonna
drunk?
say, no. If you're drunk and you get in your Tesla and you say, Oh, officer, I wasn't even driving, the car's driving. Uh-uh. yeah, but But you could be drunk in the back seat of a Cybercab, so
but I have a problem if you convert with that.
your car to being a Cybercab and you just sit in the back like, I don't seat I think they should know, sit in the back
have a mode where you're seat. allowed to get in the back seat drunk and have your car drive you home if it's fully automated. Dude, they're talking about
I agree.
the s the full self-driving thing to giving it to blind people. And I'm like, Bro, what the? I swear to God, Jesus Christ, dude, but think about it, you put a blind person behind there, there's someone there, but they can't see. What's the difference between being drunk and being a blind person driving a car? Would you rather drive with a drunk a lot person or a
of sadness.
blind person? Drunk person. but also Yeah,
it's like you're relying on that blind person to s use text-to-speech or speech-to-text to talk to the navigation system to tell em where to go. And what if it translates it incorrectly? Cause it does with me all yeah, you don't the time, know what, yeah, all the time, and with Apple, with the fucking a Apple Maps, it does it when I use Siri, it does it with the Tesla. If I say something and it doesn't understand me, it'll show me a bunch of wrong options.
So what does the blind person do?
I don't know. But they were literally talking about, like, this is gonna be the future for Blind people people, that
are just pimping. driving around, getting It can
you place to place.
also you press summon, so say if you're in a parking lot and you say, come to me. The car will pull out of the lot and drive over to where you are. Like, say, if you got you're at the supermarket, you got a bunch of bags to put in your trunk, it'll just pull up to where you are. it's pouring out, But you couldn't you don't feel do it, but like going you couldn't do out. it.
You couldn't Yeah,
do that at like, a gated, like it has to wait to run the plate thing You can't or something.
do it at the airport, like you can't be like, Uh, you're on level four and you like, you get out of baggage claim, you're like, Come get my car, we'll come down. It has to be within, like, I think, a distance But that's only of it.
a matter of time. I mean, within five, ten years, there's gonna be there's not gonna be any Uber drivers, gonna be all automated taxis. Wh- that's when that's happening.
I first got a Tesla, it was like 2017-ish, maybe 18, and that one didn't do any of these things. That one did self-driving, but you had to stop for stop signs, you had to stop for stoplights. But like, we were on Laurel Canyon. I was driving with my wife and I just had my hands off the wheel. I was like, Look at this, this is crazy. And it's just keeping us in the lane, driving everywhere you wanna go, and it stays in the lane.
So really, it was a little shaky back then, How do you but like,
do that? Still? I have the thing that's like, if I if I I turn that off, all Lane that stuff, where it's like, assist. Yeah, it's like,
Oh, I need it.
if you get out of the lane, it goes,
but the new self-driving's got five modes. It could be like you could be s. A snail mode, like, slow mode, normal, fast, and then, like, get me the fuck there, or something like that. And yeah, and I didn't put it on. Have you ever fucked with any of the modes?
No, I just have it drive. Yeah, cause it's like, I'm not in a I wanna rush, rush.
see what it like. If it does it, like, start speeding and going around people and driving It's fucking in the fucking lane, really good, it is,
like it's really good, like it. It changes lanes if the car's in front of you going slow.
Are you comfortable to not look at all and just be in your phone?
No, I look, I'm still weirded out by it. When you're looking
We watch all the time.
at the wheel, or are you looking at the screen, or are I'm you looking at the car? watching the I'm Yeah, outside,
well, I usually do it when I wanna make a phone call, so I'll make a phone call and I'll just be talking to a friend. And I'll just be looking around. It's like you're having a conversation while you're getting a ride somewhere. It doesn't feel like you're driving, even though you're kinda sw- sort of paying attention just in case, just in case I keep my hands there, but it I'm fully comfortable with it.
The one Waymo in Austin, remember, they shut Waymo down for like a couple months in Austin. It was like they were like, these aren't ready. Cause there was a shootout in downtown Austin, and the Waymo just pulled up right in the middle of it, between the cops and the people shooting.
and blocked everything. Yeah. And also, if, like, too many of them get to an intersection, no one knows what to do.
wait, like, four Waymos get to a s. They don't Yeah, well, they.
if it's nothing but Waymos, like there's 20 Waymos in one intersection, what the fuck happens? The craziest thing that happened in San Francisco. So Waymos operate on LIDAR, whereas Teslas operate on cameras. So the problem with LIDAR, when the grid goes down, so does a car. So fucking the car stalled out. And then Elon was like, on Twitter, going, I told you so, but this is why I don't use it. Really, Stupid
what's the grid? I don't know that. the power, Or the pow- oh, like, the power really. Oh, outages. So if there's they
a power outage that's controlling these cars,
they just stop.
I I'm pretty sure they just stop. Fuck. Maybe they pull over and they stop. I don't know if they stop right in the middle of That's the intersection.
like a hacker's dream, dude.
Well, there's a lot of hackers dreams out there with all Shutting these cars.
down all like once it all becomes we're all reliant on Waymo. So in Korea, But
a bunch of people got arrested recently in South Korea because they had hacked into their Teslas and they had enabled full self-driving, which is a subscription thing. Usually you have to pay for it. So these guys figured out a way. I mean, probably coders like, why would I pay? Fuck you? And they went in and jailbroke the whole Tesla system and put in self-driving, and they got arrested. damn, I mean, It's interesting, right?
it's good that they could do it.
Yeah, it's kinda interesting. I don't even It's like,
set up my Roomba. I'm afraid of the all that stuff. It's like, I don't use Alexa in my house or any of that shit, where people are like, you know, have Alexa turn fuck that the lights on and stuff. I was like, I don't know,
fuck, fuck Alexa. But it's weird. It's like, Am I buying this thing? And this thing is capable of doing that? And then you want me to pay money so the thing can do what it already can do. It seems like you're just taking money from me.
yeah, subscription.
It seems like it's that's in the thing. Why don't you just sell the thing that does the thing? Why do I have to pay a subscription to make it do what it can do?
I don't think it was cause subscription, it's the the they're not a leg, they're not legal in Korea. Full self-driving isn't legal there,
oh, only US-built models sold in South Korea, like Model S, X and Cybertruck, that are full self-driving. That that's legally passed Korea's safety regulations, the outlet said. And since Korea also gets Chinese-built Model Ys and threes, most Tesla drivers in the country can't access the feature through traditional means. That's interesting,
but still same point, though. They they bought the car, they should be able to do what they want with the car, right?
right, you should. But well, I guess they're violating the law where you can't have a car drive itself. That's a different law they're violating than just breaking the subscription model. But if you did that in America, I wonder. I just I'm not a fan of subscriptions. How would they There's like, there's
know?
there's certain car manufacturers that make you charge it, charge you a subscription so you could use Apple CarPlay. That's
I have to pay for an Audi fucking subscription to crazy. to use the internet and the Audi and other things You as a monthly c- it's a fucking fee.
USB-C cable. You plug it into your car and then it just immediately starts working. Do you want me to pay for that every month? That's crazy because you can get an aftermarket one. Like, I have muscle cars that have Apple CarPlay, like a 68 Ford that has Apple CarPlay. Like, how come I have to pay every month to use this? You're just stealing money, you're just sucking money out of my
but it's almost like a
bank account.
is it an OnStar thing like that? You have
I can't.
to, like, pay to have OnStar, but like, shouldn't there just be like an emergency button in your car?
Well, OnStar, I think the idea is you're paying because there's a bunch of people that are there that are working, so you're paying for a service. It's like not just a car, it's like you're paying like a help for infrastructure. desk. Yeah, yeah, Yeah, that's a little but I. But the different.
but the technology in the Tesla is already built in. It's whether or not you're just turning on or off, you know, Well, that
Doesn't a Tesla suck, though? that Like, if you have a like, a busted tire, though, you can't go to, like, you know, no, you some guy named can go. No, no, Gus. tires is you, tires
a same, it's ti- same Oh, I thought tires.
they like, come out and like, they go take it to the fucking
through tires faster than but
It's heavy.
I've had my Tesla's got 106,000 miles. I've never put brakes on it. I never n- no oil changes, no Well, the beautiful nothing.
thing about them is the the when you let off the gas, it The regenerative breaks itself. Yeah,
brake, so that's how it stops. you s. I barely Yeah,
touch the brake on my Tesla. I know now, like, how much distance I need before it's when I see gonna stop, a red light ahead, I just let off the gas and just
slows down to a stop.
slows down. And it's regenerating the battery while it's doing that a little bit. You know, the the battery life, depending upon how you drive, I mean, it's not the best.
have you driven in a BYD? I was in France and they were all over the place. They had no Teslas, but they had the Chinese Oh, those uh, are incredible, insane,
they're incredible. insane, like the Yeah,
like more comfortable than the they have like the ten. crazy ones now. They Yeah,
they, they have a new supercar over there that's it's like faster than anything you can buy in America. They're doing nutty shit but why with electric can't you buy BYDs cars.
here? Cause it's China, you can't.
Good question. It's a good question. I think call me gay, it would fuck I'm an analog them all up.
guy. I like my cars. Two pedals.
I know my wife hates all this shit. She w- she won't even drive my car, she won't even and and I've had it for 8 years.
They work great. She hates it. It's The thing is, so great, they work great, they it really and they're super is. fucking reliable, and they're really fast. The they like, I have the Model S Plaid, and when I'm at a red light, it just goes like, if I want the light turns green, it goes, Pssh, you're just gone. No sound, no noise,
it's like a rocket.
zero to sixty in 1.6 seconds, you're just gone. Pssh. It's awesome. Terrifying. Meanwhile,
It's awesome.
it fucking handles, it's awesome, it's incredible, but it's also it's just quiet. the charging thing Don't you agree?
is what gets me. I was gonna rent one one
not bad.
time, and then I I was. They were about to hand me the keys and I was like, Wait a minute, I'm gonna have to find a charger for this The rental when I go on a one has a road trip. problem. But
the thing is, if it's at your house, you just pull into your house and you just plug it in at night. It's fucking easy, mine goes you never from midnight go to a gas
to seven am. station. It just says, Uh, it's like you just it's like a clock set.
then you drive to the city and back home.
I have t. I mean, the, uh, the mileage is I. When I first got mine, it was 310 was the the maximum. Now, every year it goes down like 10 miles an hour, so now I'm like it's like 250.
your battery in your phone. After a year or two, it gets worn it becomes out. Same less. So, like, kind of thing, but you could get the batteries replaced. It's just I'm sure they a giant have, like, portable, like pain in the ass.
an extra battery that, like,
They don't.
is, uh, do they have or have you any of that? seen the ones
No, it's like a big now? You can, deal.
like, buy a solar panel thing that you can bring on a road trip, right? So you're gonna go hike in a mountain for a little bit. You wanna charge your car, you roll it out onto the roof of your car, and you just plug it into the charger, and the sun will charge your car while A little, you're
probably a little.
a little bit. It's not like a supercharger, but you can get a couple miles back, you know, probably 10 miles an hour or something like that Steve, off the sun.
you're an elitist, yeah.
No, I'm just I.
Well, so what are you hiking in mountains But I'm saying, for? you know,
It was a Tesla.
it's like, Yeah, that's true. I'm going to So next time tell my mom I hike,
so much.
but that's what the commercial did. They were like, in the mountain, or like, I'm going on a hike or something.
It was like the herpes commercials where everybody's kayaking and like, what they look great do
and fit. That's not me. I know,
I know the Cybertruck's very polarizing, but that fucking thing's incredible, it's incredible.
you know what's not incredible, though? I saw a person hauling furniture in the back of it and got on the highway and all of that furniture proceeded to fly off the Well, that back of it.
person's an idiot.
What an idiot.
They didn't tie their furniture down. That could've happened in a fucking Tacoma.
Oh yeah, absolute. It was so dumb.
dude? In Los Angeles, we went to the Tesla diner. We were like, Oh, this is kinda cool, Tesla diner. First of all, the menu stinks, but then the cool part. They had like 10. It's a diner, there's like 10 items on the menu. It's fucking insane. So the cool part is they have 2 gigantic movie screens. Like, you could, like, pull up and wa- they have different movies playing. Um, and you can just pull in and watch a movie in your car while you eat.
But they only allow you to watch a movie in your car if you have a Tesla. So it's like the coolest part of the entire experience, you have to have a Tesla for. Yeah,
Well, that makes sense, though. I mean, why would? J- why would they allow their competitors to pull into the Tesla diner?
they let me buy a goddamn cheeseburger. A shit
Where you wanna go? cheeseburger.
Yeah, well, I didn't have a car, I walked right in. How? Was the cheeseburger Terrible. It wasn't
really?
good, it was not a good diner,
the guy's not building cheeseburgers, you know, it's like, let him do what he wants to do. I need a cheeseburger It's, you know,
to land itself.
But it seems like if you can make a rocket get caught by a robot arm,
yeah, you should be able you could figure to to make a out a fucking good cheeseburger. cheeseburger. Yeah, the self-eating This is not, cheeseburger.
this is not rocket science, literally. It's a fucking cheeseburger. yeah, it's the one In-N-Out
thing he can't, it's the one thing
doesn't. You ever see the he kids working at In-N-Out? You know, they're normal people.
it's the one thing Musk can't figure out. It's the burger. It's always eluded me.
It's too complicated, it's impossible, can't be done. I mean, there's a lot of people that can make a good burger. Farm it out to them. But I'm, I would imagine if you're gonna be Tesla, you should put your name on a solid fucking burger. burger. Space burger.
Lewis is a little uppity about food, though, I'm a he's like,
snob. I the best burger in the world. San Sebastian, Bar
What is that? Where is the a place that?
in San Sebastian, Spain, called Bar Desi, and the
In Spain?
b- they in Spain. You're a world traveler, I love to I go I. I travel all the time, so I spend my money on. And I brought my son on a father-son trip there. low age of consent, Don't you we ate, uh, we went to this, we went to San Sebastian, where it's like a huge eating culture. All of these, like, uh, more Michelin star restaurants per square meter than anywhere else in the world.
really?
And, uh, this one spot called Bar Desi. They s, Yeah, they specialize just. It's literally meat, ch- uh, like, melted, like, uh, almost like a cream cheese, in a bun. shush. It's b- dude, it's like raw, it's barely cooked. I took the last bite of this burger and I got emotional, like I had taken, like, ecstasy. I was like, it was the best thing I've ever eaten in my entire life.
you gotta take ecstasy again.
Wow, what's the place called
Bar Desi. again? Bar Desi Yeah, best You know, I, I place in San
in San Sebastian. watch. It's Sebastian.
something about when you're going for like a thing you wouldn't eat all the time, like not a very like ho-hum like thing, like a burger or something. I watch a guy, is it, uh, on Instagram? It's got says stuff. He was, he was getting, like, you know, the 5th best burger in the world in some place overseas that he flew for. And he goes, when he ate it, he was like, It's really good, it's a great burger.
But I think with burgers, you're just gonna find you can only do s. If you use good ingredients, you can just only do so much. It's gonna make it taste like it's, it's gonna be. GR- You know what? I mean, a great burger in America is not much less good than that I great burger I'm telling you're gonna travel you right now, there 18 hours is nothing, on a plane for.
nothing like that burger, not even close. And I'm a Really,
I love a good burger. That burger was fucking crazy. I'm gonna go back in the next couple years just for the burger.
is it the meat they're using?
It's the meat, so that's the whole thing is like, they're like, they spent two years developing, like their meat blend, fat to meat, and like what, what they use. And, uh, yeah, the secret ingredient? Elk Oh, okay, so
I'll be right back after these words.
it's from the older cows. That's one of the things they do in Spain. Um, they, they like to cook older cows, like they. You can get that at Bizarre meat. Jose Andres, he, you know, he's Spanish,
it's a great place.
and he's, he's amazing. And his, uh, place, they'll, they'll sell those, they sell these older cows, and it does taste different. It's really it's good, it's very, crazy. very beefy.
Do you have to age the meat then, too? Or is the Yeah, they is it cut? Okay,
age them as well, but they it's also an old cow. Instead of like, if you buy like a ribeye steak from a supermarket, it's probably a cow that's only like a year and a half old or something like that. And they kill it and they chop it up into meat. They get them big as quickly as possible, they chop em up. When you go to some of these, like classic Spanish steakhouses, there's some amazing Spanish steakhouses that I've watched videos on on Instagram.
And the way these guys are cooking, they're cooking over like live coals, and they just put salt all over the steak, and the steak has fat that's r- like a dark yellow, like, because they're just eating nothing but grass, they, they never eating corn. And they're laying these these steaks down, they're sizzling em, and you see these people eating, and they're like, What the fuck? yeah, marbleization, Like, I think the best steakhouse in the world is in Spain.
I think, like, the number one rated steakhouse on earth is in Spain, I'm pretty sure.
I think Ari and Bobby Kelly went to, uh, what's considered the best, you know, restaurant in the world, somewhere in Spain. No. Was it maybe maybe They do the I? Is it they do a list Iceland?
every year, like the best restaurants.
I don't remember what.
It's, uh, Spain. In the past, like 20 years, 10 of the years have been restaurants in Spain. Eh, they're they're very big into food culture.
But it's like that movie, it's like the menu. Do you wanna do something like that, Lewis? Like the menu thing where you go to a place and they're like, you're eating this? Yeah, I I like do that every time, that. I dude. I we
do that, too.
d when we me and my son went, we went to 3 different Michelin star restaurants, we got the, uh,
Tourist's delight? That's it, Jamie,
go back, go back, but I'll tell you exactly the one. The would you go back to that scroll up? So I could see what it said? No, no, no, yeah. It's at Castle Julian, that that place is, uh, like, when you watch these guys cooking, and it's it's generally these guys that have been in these fucking places for decades. And they had They would a daughter of do it this some famous chef, and way. Yeah,
they worked in his kitchen for 20 years. And yeah,
in the you just watch it, you get fucking starving. yeah, dude, uh, the It's incredible.
yeah, the pretty set menu. If you go to, like, a really nice. I went to the other day, I went to Heston here, they have a tasting menu that's incredible.
See, like, look at the oh, Heston's great, so, but look at the fat, see how yellow the fat is. It's crazy, right? Like that fat is all just grass. And they just put nothing but salt on it, and they serve it rare, like you get your steak rare. It's just seared on the outside and rare, and that's exactly it's
how I love it, dude.
fucking fantastic, it's so good.
Do they have a burger? I bet they do,
I bet they do.
Do they have a kids menu?
chicken fingers.
Yeah, too much fat for me.
No, my kids destroy meat.
If I could only eat one thing for the rest of my life, 100, it's Please say elk ribeyes. elk. No, it'd probably have ribeyes. Ribeyes Yeah, because, uh, you need if you only had one thing, you need fat. And the problem with elk meat, which I love,
Too lean?
is that you have to have fat with it. Like, I usually eat it with bacon, I usually eat it with avocados, I eat it with other things because it's just pure protein. It's a much more dense animal, a much more dense protein. But like, if you had to only eat one thing forever, it would w- 100, it'd be ribeyes. You get You say, like, fat, you get protein. I don't think you need anything chicken else. You can take your vitamins, parm your protein, I go cheesesteak, chicken I go cheesesteak,
parm, dude.
I go cheesesteak, pogey.
I'd be healthy. I would eat sushi. I could eat sushi for the rest of my life and be happy, like just raw Mercury, fish. I. But too much mercury. Mercury. Yeah, yeah, Damn,
you're not supposed to eat sushi every day,
Do you ever do you
especially tuna.
ever? You have? Has your mind gone completely? There's no interest, like a splurge for you would never be like a McDonald's one No, I night. Fuck it,
love McDonald's. Yeah, I love, uh, I love those Filet-O-Fishes. Sometimes if I'm hammered and we're good bun, tartar somewhere, eh, you know, in sauce. some town, and there's nothing open, like after a show, there's nothing open. Like, let's go to the fucking McDonald's
Some of the McDonald's will fuck you after midnight and not give you a fish fillet. Burn it down, burn it down,
fish fillet.
burn it.
You, you're under no illusion that there's anything healthy about anything that you're eating. You're eating a deep-fried chunk of supposedly fish,
North Atlantic Cod.
whatever the fuck it is. It's
well, that was that.
pieces that they glued together. triply It's
had that fake great joke. He was like, the the filet o fish is a dollar. He's like, you can't even buy a fish for a dollar. He's like, what? A a pet store, he's like, a goldfish is $3. I'm that's like, Jesus, crazy. That's Christ,
a fucking dollar, is it really a dollar? That's
something like that. A couple crazy. no, no, it's bucks.
fight's probably six bucks now. I'm just Probably, yeah, never wasting,
it's cause of Elon.
I'm never if I'm eating a burger, I'm never wasting it on like McDonald's or like a Wendy's. Like, I'm if I'm gonna get a burger, I'm gonna get a good burger, you know, if I'm
no, I agree. I mean, if I am, but if the only thing that's open is McDonald's, I'll say, I'll get a quarter pounder. Fuck it.
a big Mac is what I had a it is.
quarter pounder once for the first time in years, like couple years ago, and I haven't had one since. But I was it was sweet. I was like, the there's sugar in this bun, The bread, yeah, yeah, like, I taste sugar, like it doesn't taste just like regular bread. I was like, this is weird, yeah, McDonald's, like and there's sugar in everything, has the ketchup.
like a film on it. Like the burger tastes the same as the fries in a weird way. You drink the soda, you're like, that kinda tastes like the burger. It's all, was good, yeah,
did you see the thing was good, it that, like, when
wasn't bad.
they? You ever see the experiments where, like, you leave it out and nothing changes about it? And they always still show it, and they go, No, a lot has changed. well, A lot has changed about they, they have it.
the one country where they banned McDonald's, it was somewhere in Europe, and they have it, like, on display in, like, almost like a museum. They were like the last burger, or the last McDonald's burger that yeah, it still hasn't was sold. It's been rotted. like 20 years, and it looks the exact same.
well, that's why we're all fucked up in America. It's the preservatives, like,
did you ever, I mean, do the commercials? Did you ever do a commercial? I did a McDonald's commercial, and like the BER- they have a chef that comes and makes the burger. So it's like the best version of Off a McDonald's the bat, burger ever that you're using to. You know, that's what you're eating on the day, but nothing ever looks like that. Like they have someone specifically come to make that burger. I have like, if to say you get McDonald's that it's like an when it's hot,
actress's headshots.
Yeah, they're like, it's not It's not, that's not real. what you're gonna get Yeah, that's when they show not what you're
up for the audition. getting. No, at this point, That's
if you get McDonald's, though, when it's hot, it's piping hot, you go, This is a good McDonald's. That's all it takes anymore. If it's just hot, you're happy.
well, you wanna go when they're busy.
Because they're turning over a lot. Yeah, yeah, you Yeah,
don't wanna have something just sitting under but, like a heat you say, it's always lamp,
like a late night, there's nothing else.
right? That's a problem. But like, if you want a late night, I think Wendy's is the move. Wendy's is probably the best burger, like as far as like fast food, reliable burger, Wendy's is pretty fucking.
you know, we decided years ago, we, uh, we did a early Legion of Skanks episode where we it was talking about those girls, those poor girls in, uh, Cleveland. Do you remember that the girl escaped and got out, ran to the neighbor? And they were being held by that guy in, like, the attic, and they were getting pregnant for years.
they were in the basement.
I think it was po- like they were, I think they were different. Places, multiple girls, and he'd get them pregnant, and some of them had babies. He would kick them until they had miscarriages and it was tort- and they and they caught him, the girls got out, he, they caught him, he killed himself in jail. One of the facts of the story was, um, every day he fed them McDonald's, there was a McDonald's across the street, and every day he fed them McDonald's.
And we were saying, if you had to live that nightmare, but you can choose the fast food that you would eat every day, what would it be? Wendy's was the clear winner.
Well, the e- The episode was called Subway Counts, cause we figured out that subway counts as fast food. Yeah, subway fast Technically, yeah, there's an food. Ari Shaffir episode. But it's not just what type of fast food would you have every day. The the question really was, if you were being raped by a guy who kidnapped you, what fast food would you want to have forever. for dinner? chick-fil-a Yeah, Chained to a radiator, forever, chick-fil-a
but your one pleasure a day, you go. It's like, at least I'm getting the fast food I want. Uh, and Wendy's
Burger King.
a the Wendy's is, well, now, cause there's not enough stuff.
you have to have breakfast.
Wendy's has Wendy's has salad, they got, uh, baked potatoes, Wendy's has and shit. You
a nice breakfast.
s you're an animal if you're eating a salad at Wendy's and pretending you're healthy.
No, but no one's saying you're healthy, you're pretending I know you're. You're trying to Variety. Variety, yeah, well, you're get
in in your scenario. chained to a radiator. You see, Yeah,
I don't, I don't know that
I think it's a good
Chili's really counts.
time for me to piss. Hold Please, on for it, fellas, all right, boys, unless anybody else
this is it.
wants to go.
Let's take it over.
um, yeah, no, for me, it's for me, it's Burger King.
Burger King has got a great breakfast, a croissant, which is an incredible the the original croissant. Was the 1st people to ever put breakfast on a croissant was Burger or B- King Burger King. They got a great the the chicken sandwich, the the rectangular chicken sandwich. Incredible.
I don't apologize. I unapologetically will put the Whopper against that stupid Spain burger you had. I love a Whopper, That's that's dude.
actually crazy.
Oh, is it now?
You don't really believe that. Here's the thing. Sometimes, Jay, you say things, and I'm like, you don't actually believe that. So what are we doing?
But you know what, though, dude, y- you appreciate it. He just might be like, I ha- I like a burger I like and a burger.
that taste.
Yeah, burgers taste like burgers.
This burger, guys, I shit you not, like, you know, when, like, you go to breathe and you kind of like, do the lip quiver? Like, like, I did that when I ate the last bite. I was emotional, and then I walked over to a place, I got some Basque
Yeah, cause you have a lot cheesecake. of unresolved shit. You gotta work out with a doctor, man. It's got nothing to do with that burger. It's, uh, something to do with, like, loss and tragedy or something. Or, this burger represents something yeah,
to you, Louis, that's the thing you're missing.
why? why you? Would you gonna share this with your father? It's like that kind of thing, like, me, my dad never took me for a Spanish burger. Yeah, it's that, it's emotions that aren't, it's nothing to do. You're out of control, maybe. Well, guys, definitely. go watch What are you gonna Legion of Skanks do?
while while Joe's on, here, go watch Legion of Skanks.
Scankfest happening?
scank fest.
Three for life, Scankfest happening. Single day passes. Get them now. Ari Shaffir returning this year, Mark Normand, uh, fucking Jim Norton,
Tim Dillon.
Christina P. Tim Dillon isn't officially booked, but he shows up every year. Eric Andre for the 1st time. So then I said, Dude, I don't wanna suck your dick. How about that?
Did you see that? Speaking of Eric Andre, did you see the him chat. and Chad? Hanks Yeah, what Uh, show
was that about?
now?
they fought. I don't know. But I
a fist fight? I thought they f- No, I think they no, I thought did a fist they f-
fight. No, they got, like, separated. But like, it's funny, like, Er, I can't tell if Eric's nervous about it or not for real, because Chet Hanks did go get in his face. And it was like, they just don't like, I guess, I guess Eric Andre, like, you know, he's like the crazy guy who does the stuff. But Chet Hanks came on his show as one of the few celebrities knowing what he was going into. And so he fucking fucked with the show back, and I think Eric Andre didn't like that, Oh, really, I think.
And it's like, so they just kinda had, like, a beef going on, but he cornered him at some comic con or something. Yeah, he was claiming Chet Hanks
that, uh, Eric said something about him, right?
He did, I think he calls him, you know, I think, like, just kinda discredit him. He's like, say, it was the shittiest guest or something, maybe on the show, something like that. It was like, whatever it was like, Chet Hank seems pissed about it. But to have Tom Hanks son angry at you and then it comes at you and it turns out he's a confused country wigger. Like, Uh, I don't know what he is. He's, he's, he does 7 genres of music, but then I used to do R.
B. For It was R.
real?
B, and then it became rap, rap. and then now it's country, and I didn't now it's back
know it was country.
to kind of country rap. Man.
well, the rap to country pipeline is a real thing that's happening now. Like, Ch- boozie rap rappers are kind of figuring out, like, Oh, I can just do country music. It's the kid rock, easiest, yeah, the
dude, absolutely.
easiest music to sing, like, Joey I know,
Rock was a rapper.
yeah, what's his name? Uh, the other guy, too.
Teddy Swims. Yellow Wolf No, Yellow Wolf yellow Wolf.
Does country. He does country now.
Yeah, yeah, I think everyone just kinda goes. It's like a transition to country music. I think you do a lot of bad things when you're a rapper and then you find God.
It's gotta be weird being Tom Hanks son, too, trying to find your own path, and everybody's like, Oh, I fucking Tom Hanks is dead.
Well, also, cause the other one is so Tom Hanksy. The fact that this What's the one's got like
other one?
neck tatoo, uh, Colin Hanks, so he was like an actor and a bunch of shit. And he's I didn't even know like,
there was another one. yeah, he's like a you've seen it's pretty well him, he's done known, yeah, he
a lot.
pretty well known.
was in. He was in the movie Orange County years ago with, uh, he was the star of that Kinda like with Jack a dweeby guy Black. he was, I think, He's a total Tom Hanks, so he's got. He's like a guy who tucks in his button-down shirt on a Sunday. But like, and then the son's a neck tattoo, you know, like, uh, like, uh, code switching. It's great. He got in trouble one time for talking Patois, and he's like, I don't give a shit.
Ya bum, ba-club. And then he made a rap song doing it. I half respect it, I don't. I've gone full You get in trouble circle on it.
for talking that talk, cultural appropriation, that's so stupid. it's so, uh, yeah, That shit's so stupid. What's
he's wild.
really hilarious is black ladies complaining about cultural appropriation while they have white wigs on, or white lady they put wigs on. Like, this is crazy, like, look at your hair. This is, like,
I do love watching videos literally insane, of, uh, like, big black women intimidating, like small white girls with braids, and like, Take the braids out your hair right
that's crazy. now, bitch. The taking and you have like the braids out this, talk is crazy. and you guys
That's wild.
sit there and pick it out.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Take your braids out, it's That means you're fucking crazy.
you're cultural appropriating, or you went to the Bahamas. mommy,
Or you were a Roman. Braids have been around since the beginning of time. It's hilarious.
It's just, but again, it's somewhere in the ether. People find it. People are told one day you're supposed to be angry about it. You know what I'm saying? So that's the same thing we was. We went back to earlier, we were saying, like, the blackface thing, no one thought anything of it. Would bewitched. Everyone was in blackface. when did And now it become you're like, holy
a real? shit, Was it the internet? It must be
I think it was really Ted Danson was like the one. It was that was one of they put him bad. on, like the New York Post or something Papa that was like, big John
It was bad. time. When Howard Stern parodied Yes, yes, Ted Danson, which is way worse.
ten, ten times worse. I think he's
buried it completely. Oh, you could find you can find him, No, for sure, you but I mean, he's
could find him.
he's tried to get rid of it all. That's when Howard Yeah,
was awesome.
he's, uh, I mean, that was w- it was awesome. But even when he was doing it, you were kinda like, I mean, it was on TV, it was on, it was on the VPN channel, uh, I, I use Oh, Joe WGNA in Philly, NordVPN. Rogan it was like the WB or whatever was it was. At that the It is that point.
entertainment that he was on?
wild, wild. No, no, that thing, no, that
that thing was on his m uh, channel show, yeah, nine show, it's like his it was called the VPN nine Joe Show, or or whatever it whatever it was. Imagine was. Yeah,
that he's doing a radio show every day, he's gotta get up at fucking five o'clock in the morning, do that radio show, and then he's also doing a TV show at the same time.
oh, that that, oh yeah, he was, they were getting. That. He told that schedule was crazy. He's bewitched,
What is this? This is bewitched?
It's the bewitched. Every Wednesday.
Oh, this is crazy.
but it's b apostrophe w-i-t-c-h-e-d
Oh, you know how? Who had something on blackface? Jamie Cody Tucker, you know, Cody? The guy was on our podcast recently, had a thing on Joni Mitchell, like Joni Mitchell, uh, had invented some character for something, and it was her in blackface. Dressed up as a man. Yeah, and singing songs, well, here, I'll play the Cody Tucker thing. It's crazy
I think the song Time, the video for Time by Culture Club's got a bunch of people in blackface here. It it.
is, this is crazy.
Musicians of all time and is known for her socially progressive messages within her music. Despite that, Joni Mitchell has had some interesting moments when it comes to race. this guy's gonna She was
be a chain.
once asked to introduce Muhammad Ali at Madison Square Garden and told fellow musician Joan Baez that she was going to introduce him to the crowd as a jive-ass n-word. Luckily, she decided against it. In 1977, Joni Mitchell released the album Don Juan's Reckless Daughter. The cover of that album featured an African American man named Art Nouveau, except Art Nouveau wasn't an actual person. But instead, Joni Mitchell dressed in total blackface. That's racist. Whoa, Joni
sounds like my dad.
Mitchell's had an affinity for blackface for quite some Whoa, time and is dressed as her African American alter ego on multiple occasions. Joni Mitchell is one of the most. I Okay, that's it, that's crazy.
you know, the shirt? Is that the shirt he was wearing?
That's a different time. yeah, that, Back then, that was just her being silly. That Is wasn't even the internet racist, no one even great at all, thought of that
though?
as being racist. She was I mean, just pretending to be a person that's black. introduce And she certainly you to Muhammad
wasn't racist.
Ali as the giant. That's an issue, that's That's, that's a an issue, that's something But you know, what's that's like,
crazy is no matter how but that's much. hearsay. But I'm saying I guess all the all the activism she's done and all the stuff she's, I'm sure, the positive stuff she's done. Uh, it that does get for some people, that just wipes it completely. That's what I'm saying. They don't think That's of go
one of the reasons why they do it. They they signal to the base that they're a good person now, and they go way overboard. When you notice, like men that go way overboard with the woke shit, they're usually hiding. got some fucking shady shit in their past.
that's they always get me with it. That's the Bill Cosby effect, right?
well, it's like a lot of these guys that went like, you know, I hate to throw Stern under the bus, but he went super woke. And one of the problems is if you go back through his archives, there's horrendous shit in Vicious there. But it was like, at the time, that was fun. Like when we used to do O and A, like it was shock jock, like we were shocking each other on purpose, we're saying fucking, completely outrageous shit.
And if you're a person that, you know, wants to be accepted by the Democratic Party, and you wanna be like, there's comes a certain moment in time where you have to abandon all that stuff. And you have to completely buy into whatever the fuck they're saying. yeah, it's it's one of you gotta take
the one.
the oath. One of the best Yeah, there's things that Jay a there's
ever came up with when we were. We were like three years into Legion of Skanks. And Jay was like, we should start calling it the most offensive podcast on earth. So when people come, they know exactly what they're gonna get. I think it's why we've never gotten in trouble for all the horrible shit we've said.
you've also did a brilliant thing, and that's you went subscription early on. You're like, Look, fuck advertising, fuck all this. Let's just like, have this. Everybody knows what we're doing, have the fans pay for it, but give them what they want. And you guys have always stuck to that. It's always you've never watered it down, it's always been chaos, it's always been Ari shitting on stage, or whatever, someone fucking a flashlight, like, it's you oh, I was getting guys,
jerked off by a flashlight. Joke you fucked, No, he fucked you fucked a bunch Yeah, well, big You're going of girls, Jay, you I to want that was mean, he to f, you fucked was popular. there. all
big Jay by proxy, cause you touched him. Oh God, it's like electricity went through you. It's like, that's the right way to do it, you know? Kumiya did that with compound media. It's like, that's the way to do it. If you wanna be that, if you wanna go like the straight progression from like, Opie and Anthony, Satellite Radio Wildness right into that. Like, on Opie and Anthony, we did that fucking thing where that guy they did the big bird, you The baby saw that, the baby bird.
Oh, bird, yeah, dude, I remember alright. that. Yeah, With me and Burr and Ari, and I think Ari might've named it the baby bird, someone, uh. But it was basically my idea, uh, cause of fear factor. I was like, why don't you lay your head over that barrel and he'll throw up in your mouth? And this guy was like, Okay? And then the amount of puke that came in this guy's mouth. And so this was on a flip phone, you can watch the video, so the flip phone is like terrible resolution, cause it's like 2003 or something like that.
I was never That's it right
more jealous.
there, that was the amount, and that was in Oh my god, Pat Duffy, shout out to Pat Duffy, he was the intern.
oh yeah. Foundrymusic. com. That's He took where all the stuff was on. That was like their that was their website, sort of.
that's crazy.
yeah. And remember, they used to, like, stream it live on the internet on a laptop. There was some fucking Pal talk or something you had to get. Yeah, oh, it was insane. that what Fucking Fucking a collapse. they it was insane. ran into And see, watch the video pal talk, yeah, watch the video because the video's nuts. Cause you, it's either my phone or someone else's phone. I forget who got the video of it, but it's super low resolution.
You know, this is like a 2003 video that only goes for
Joe Rogan playing Caroline's all weekend long with the amazing racist, uh, opening up, Pat, how are you?
that was Ari Shaffir. He now it's a was called himself the amazing guy now. It's Madison racist. I knew Ari Shaffir Avenue, everything's
before he was an amazing
been raised.
racist, before I knew Ari Shaffir. Me and Dave Smith would rent the the National Lampoon's video that had the amazing racist on it. And we were like, this is the funniest thing I've ever seen. Then we met Ari, we were like, the fuck, we don't have amazing racist.
it was made by the ShamWow guy. Boy, that's true. That caused him so many problems so
early in his career. we gotta Ari has always been a maniac from the jump. Scoot along a little where's this bit here.
camera footage of it? This guy's got a really nice camera. Oh, what's he drinking, Uh, that's
dude?
that. Is a guy working for O and A. Somewhere
he's going for seventy-five.
does he have to open his mouth? So he's where? at 75 Oh, shots of my god, 75 shots people are calling from
of eggnog. all over America. They're So, and also, puking right now. At yeah, also Thanksgiving. he's diabetic, so Oh, Jesus, there's the there's the beginning, so here's the start, he's drinking so now. He's on so, you drank his 2nd bottle the last one already. Let's and it, go. so that's the beginning. But no, it's impossible volume, the volume is impossible. Look at that. my god, Yeah, no, no, no, it keeps going, keep going. It, no, it goes beyond real.
It's like cartoonish, like you can't believe it's real. Watch this, here it comes, he's gonna hang in there, here he goes, he's holding on,
It's like, it's covered. We're artists.
here he goes, but no, y- y- you're still not stunned enough. Here it comes. This is not over by any means.
Who's the person getting vomited into their mouth?
That's Pat Duffy, kids, an animal.
that was the greatest moment in radio history, period. Yeah, that's so awesome. Trust me on that. Trust me on that. Trust Tommy. I've got the greatest.
Where's the rest of it? Oh, you must have cut it out of the beginning. Did you just fast forward?
not really.
And he covers his clothes at one point.
Watch, watch this, like that one, that's insanity. He threw up In in his mouth, like, and Gallant again, he threw up in his mouth like five fucking times.
And the Cri- that show ended like a rock band, like the way they all just went fucking it was so there it is, anti-climactic.
there, it is, there's the big one.
I came right at the end of, I came right at the end of Opie and Anthony,
Oh, it was so fun. It and then I started was the
doing R. I started doing Ron and Fez at Pennington.
those those guys were great,
That was great.
too. It was my favorite time ever doing radio. It was like the one radio that I would look forward to, cause it was, I. I always say that that's the birth of podcasting. Me and Colin were talking about it yesterday. That's how it started. Because they it was so open-ended, they just let you do whatever, they just. It was just a hang.
Yeah, there was no, like, give me three topics you wanna we'll bring up and you can do jokes about them. It was And they didn't have like,
segments that they had to And they were get to.
smarter than Stern because they would bring in comics like good comics, yeah, kill so it was like,
the s, dude.
and they would sit back and let everyone just fuck with well, each other.
at the time, at the time And that Stern wasn't accepting any new, you know what? I mean, like, new Yeah, they like he but com killed that but Stern, but vote. he wasn't the the comics allowing, he wasn't that Stern letting up and comers.
had was like, they weren't good comedians, they became comedians cause they had, like, a name from the Stern show.
No, you're going, but you're But going a different direction. I'm talking about when he would have, like, there's another guests like he angle. got, like he had, like Sam Kinison, like early game.
He had KINIS and he had all those guys on, but Howard would do an interview and he would control the interview. The difference between that and O and A is O and A was just a hang, you know? It's like, Lewis, what's going on? You would sit down, Norm would start shitting on you, Voss would shit on you, it would get crazy, Patrice would shit on you. It was just everybody laughing, everybody having fun.
one of my favorite moments just in pod, like, if you're a podcast fan, or if you are a podcaster, go watch. The 1st time Voss brought Patrice O'Neal into Obie and Anthony, and within, like, 3 seconds, Patrice just takes over. He starts trashing Voss, like within 10 seconds, he's trashing Voss. And i it's one of the most brilliant, like, just comfortable, like, just immediately so comfortable. And just took over the room and out, like, out, alphaed everybody.
It's it's fucking brilliant.
He'd be in prison today.
That was the birth of podcasting, and then, you know, all the stuff that we do well, that you guys do with Legion of Skanks, all that stuff. It came oh, so, then we're out of that. direct descendants Yeah, yeah, of of
a lot of our early fans were like, Oh, this is like a continuation of Obie and Anthony.
yeah, people still like that, it's still fun. Like, people don't wanna be lectured and scolded and talked down to and fucking be told what words to use and not words to use. Fuck you. I underst- People are tired of it, they want just people talking shit and being entertained. The same way you do when you're hanging out at a bar, the same way you do when you go over to your friend's house, you have a couple beers, that's how people talk.
uh, I was gonna say, with the Stern thing, do you think like, I, I was? I was such a fan for so long, I stayed in there, like, pretty close till now. But I don't really listen anymore now, cause it's not that he got woke is the thing. I guess it is more that than like where he changed, and a lot of people complain. But I do understand age getting to a point where you're like, Well, I don't wanna do like the Pussy Olympics with the porn stars anymore.
I get I get aging out of that. I mean, his his daughters are, you know, I have the same thing Yeah, Dave with, uh, Smith. but like, uh, but I'm saying age out of it. But it's also like to have it all go so like. I mean, he's like, interviewed everyone that was like his enemy, like, but, like, interviewed him in a way where it's like, Hey, Kathy Lee Gifford, remember I made fun of you? Now, tell me about this lovely song you wrote for your dead husband, which is like crazy, like an awful thing she wrote.
Like, he's just like, now it's like he's like, we're at dinner parties together, so I think he's like, he's not going at him like that anymore.
Well, it's gotta be weird, man, because, like, when he was doing it in the early days, there was no internet, so there was no feedback. And one of the things I remember in the early days of, Uh, Twitter, like, he used to get on Twitter, they used to get on in in Instagram and these. And you'd s read the comments and they were fucking horrendous. Because Vicious. that's what you've cultivated, you've cultivated a b bunch of vicious people.
Like, remember the pests from O and A? They were the most vicious, the most vicious.
And then they turned on Opie and Anthony, which is the funniest part of all of it, like they, they just started. It became a game to just torture the host of that show.
yeah, God, they're animals and they were having fun. And it's like, Look, this is what you set up, this is a culture you set up, and so I don't really like that. And then there was also, like, once the internet came around, then the woke shit started happening. And then people started finding stuff that he had said and done, and he was getting attacked for it, like he'd never been attacked his whole life.
the internet made virtue signaling very easy, and that's like, it's an addictive thing. It's the only time somebody will get, like, 10 likes on a post, right? Because they're like, saying this thing that it's like, Oh, look, I'm holier than thou. And then they get a little attention, and you're like, Oh, cool, that's, that's valuable to me. So most attention I've ever gotten in my life.
Howard Stern also had an army behind him. At one point, whenever, when shit did come at him, there was like an army screaming out loud. That army is now, like, you know, well, the internet came old handfuls around. of, like, you know, old
yeah. AARP people. retired pipe fitters and It's a different stuff. So
thing. It was all that was before the internet. You you have to really take that in into consideration. Like, he was the real original pioneer, he was the one doing crazy shit, getting fined by the government, but there was no feedback and there was no other people. And he would like control Mark, he would attack whoever was in the market and he would go into it to just say horrible things about their families, horrible things.
but also the uh, and also everybody's copying him, like, if he's talking on radio, he's like, everyone's copying me, and it's like, he's not wrong.
he's right.
But he didn't accept kudos for that. Like, yeah, like, He, it's like, you're awesome, so we wanna He tried do it too. He's to squash like, Well, I'll interview you, I'll try to get you to do a comedy. It's like, Well, you can't be the only funny radio thing ever. You opened up a genre now.
yeah, you can't be hating other dudes for doing the same shit you do, and you could be the only one. That's crazy. Once he got But that was
Sirius XM, he stopped giving a shit about, like, FM, right now. They never. We was all of a sudden was like, Guy's a great broadcaster. Like he's, that's all he says now, in hindsight,
well. The other thing was that, like, when you think about back then, there was only a few slots, so there was one morning slot from six a.m. to 10 a.m. that everybody wanted. That was the drive time morning, and Howard owned that, he owned that syndicated all across the country. So as soon as the internet came around, no one's competing for slots anymore. Now it's wide open, the podcast goes out the whole world, so everybody realized this isn't a feast or famine anymore.
It's not like, if you guys have a show, then I can't have a show, cause that slot is taking up on WXM Radio, that doesn't exist, so it's just wide open. So then everybody was was cool, and they weren't like in the old days of like, the Tonight show. Like, you heard about, like, Jay Leno hiding in the closet while they're talking about David Letterman stuff, Letterman. Yeah, they were all, like, fighting against each other because there was only scraps,
few spots.
there was only a tiny amount of spots, and there was a million guys who wanted to host the Tonight show. yeah. Stern Can you imagine
comes from that era of being like, I have to be the best or everyone else is gonna catch up to me. A different well, those those antiquated attitude
comedy ideas are great? Can you? I mean, even in my time in comedy, I remember the nights of like, ABC, Scouts are in the audience, and it's like, What the fuck, okay, I just shit. Oh, like, there was a time, there was a time when there was like, all right. They put me on that NBC showcase happening over at this comedy club, and you like, you realize it means nothing, jack shit ever. HBO's now. Certainly doing a showcase.
doesn't. Now, in the 90s,
it did.
it meant something. In the 90s, you get a development deal and it would change your fucking life.
everybody did. And then there was a that poor guy who killed himself, they chicken, always, they, they always used. His name is Michael God, Michael Roof, right? Michael Chicken Roof
I don't know what his real name was, is I just know Michael Roof, him as Chicken.
but he got because he became they, you know, I, I, who knows why he killed himself, ultimately, but I guess was always thought was because he became the name associated with. Well, you can go to New Faces now, but you're probably not walking out of there with a definite deal. You know, 12 guys are gonna go home with a deal, but it used to be if you went to New Faces, like, you're coming back with a holding or development or something.
Well, you should say why, why him?
What was it? I don't know, I'm not sure exactly He got the biggest what. He got, oh,
deal ever. you get, you got So
the you get the million he million-dollar deal, right?
it was confusing, and not to disparage dead man, but it was confusing. You would watch his comedy, you're like, What are they laughing at? I don't understand. And agents, a lot of agents, especially the young ones, these are young kids, they don't understand comedy, they don't know what the fuck is going on. They just hear noise like, He's amazing, he's so talented. And so they signed this guy to this some huge fucking deal. It was like the biggest development deal that had ever signed anybody to, and it all fell apart.
Nothing happened. And then, years later, he wound up killing himself cause his career was just, and he hung himself in front of a school. Yeah,
that's like lore, like, Uh, what's the other one? Did you guys say you'd never heard of this before? I've always Oli Joe Prater, is a guy who, like, they put a they put a tarp over him, like for the f- remember the feature the Mitzi act.
's Dried Mitzi? They had that picture of him in the comedy store back room, Oli Joe, the big in the the limo big fat and stuff. Yeah, guy, yeah, yeah, I think he died
Is it? and they W-
they had to put, like, a tarp over him or something like that.
No, no, I heard he was just like, so, like, he couldn't, like, make it to the stage.
So he'd sit during his set,
So he'd sit during his set and he put a tarp over he rolls his legs. and he would over and he And then shit himself. goes, when the feature act was Oh, really, done, they would just like, remove the tarp, and he would start doing the show.
And you, you think there's like, a fucking my god, that's crazy,
You thought it was like a drum kit that's or something
crazy. He had to position himself under on the stage.
a tarp?
Give it up for Ralphie May, cause no matter how big he got, he still he walked, he walked up and made that walk right, in, he fucking walked that walk up to that goddamn microphone.
Oh God, could you imagine Ralphie? We had Ralphie get in the back, we got That's a position the end of here, swooped up the cart. Ralphie.
Towards the end, I saw Ralphie, though, that was wild, like, uh, being taken around Bonnaroo on his own golf cart, like on the back, just dominating the space. And then his people would set him up with a chair right in the pit of the music at Bon at Bonnaroo. And I remember Kendrick Lamar was on and it was thumping. And he'll go over and he's like, a s in a chair, I mean, in front of a stack of marshalls, just like, here we go, Ralphie.
That's why Ari ended up, uh, that was the thing. Our flights all got fucked up going home from Bonnaroo, and Ari's flight got canceled, and we were scurrying to try to get new flights. And he goes, I think I'm gonna go stay with, uh, Ralphie. For a few days. I go, I don't know how much longer we're gonna have Ralphie around, I think he passed, like, months later. I kind of saw that coming. That's that Ari 6th sense yeah, the Ralphie something.
one was a bummer, cause he had a bunch of operations too. He Yeah, the had a stomach
way he lost lungs, right? stape- yeah, he Yeah,
had his stomach stapled a couple times and blew through it. tenacious, Yeah, he had whatever the operation was, he pu- he ate through the operation, so he busted it out and he had to get redone.
that's wild. Yeah, multiple times. I one time I worked with him, he was carrying like a. I think he had a catheter that came out of his pants into a briefcase. He was holding. And it's like, Dude, is that a dick tube boy, in right now? And you're talking to me, boy, that's tough. Yeah, oh boy, he was still doing just carrying around shows.
a briefcase full of piss killing, killing, fucking killing dude, setting down the stool. And he's like, Is there a cable that, like, these, like, creeps into his pants? dude, Ralphie
that's my piss y'all.
made Ralphie at Dublin's, remember Dublin's dude. He used to shake that fucking place up,
I thought he would.
dude, he would murder.
Ralphie would murder, and he had a pace to him, Ralphie knew how to, like, he had that pace, that bang, bang, bang, and with that Southern accent. draw, yeah, Yeah, he was a Houston guy, you know, there was a great crap, great crop of, uh, talent that came out of the Laugh Stop in Houston for a while. A bunch of good guys, like Matty Kirch, came out of there. There's a bunch of other funny guys that just never fucking made it, but they were good, man, they were like really funny comics.
Boston had a ton of that, though.
Oh yeah, well, Boston was better than
Boston was like the the But it, but notoriously, scene to get people Boston's got like, the best guys that are like, deals.
no one can believe why Steve Sweeney was never like his own star in some way.
Oh, yeah, no, for sure, but what, what came out of that Houston scene was Kinnison and Hicks, they both came out of that scene. The last stop Yeah, that was a fucking incredible club, man.
I worked for the lady's son took it over when she got sick or passed or whatever, and had it worked for became, um, yeah,
him. Yeah, yeah, he. And then he opened up another one that was outside. They they closed locations and moved to a different location and wasn't as good. That was when Ari went up with a Hitler mustache on Ari, Ari had a beard. I'm like, Well, you can, you We did one know, it's like time. a black guy could tell say the n-word, if you could wear a Hitler mustache, go up there.
One time on Legion of Skanks back in the day, we, uh, we did some so funny, some sort of
dude. He was just so
challenge, whatever it was. The punishment for Ari was, though, me, Dave Smith and Big J shaved all of our pubes and we glued them to Ari to make a Hitler mustache. He could probably find the picture you can on the internet.
Google that shit. I'm sure Ari, Shaffir You can find the video. It's I. I don't know if I've laughed this hard in 30 years. It's the funniest. it's the funniest It looks so his thing face is so he hates it.
spirit gum. We put spirit gum and I took the pubes and it was me. I put the pubes on his face and when I moved my fingers away, It's the reveals it's the funniest thing world class. he, on the planet. On the planet, he's all right here.
see, this is a direct transition between the baby bird and this
Come on, Ari's trying to move his nose out of the way. This is a three man job.
who's that guy?
sexy. Dave Smith. As bad
Young Dave.
as you are, dude, you Young Dave hit my line.
before Dave got political. Oh my god, This is so it's a perfect Hitler Hitler mustache. oh, Jesus Lewis, you lu- you you take the sickest, perverted fucking happiness. Oh my god, oh my god, oh jammed my god. with Gary
camera lost. I've never been happier than in that moment. That was, that was my peak.
oh my god. oh my god, that's so funny. God, he's an animal.
Yeah. I had to hold his asshole open once while he got his asshole bleached. So And triply it's bleached. Yeah, and it's like, that was our punishment. I had to hold his Oh yeah, we asshole while held Bobby he got his
Asshole open. ass. Yeah, I t one time I had a hemorrhoid. I was like, Guys, I got a hemorrhoid, and then everyone was like, All right, show me. So I showed them on the show. And then, uh, Ari's like, That's not a hemorrhoid, that's not a hemorrhoid. I'll show you a hemorrhoid. I was like, all right, let me see. So then obviously he bent over and I, I held his asshole open, dude, and it looked like the fucking demogorgon from Stranger Things came out.
his asshole looks like what the hellraiser box looks like, like it's been the chains have pulled it inside out.
he used to have to take pieces of toilet paper and like, stuff it between his ass snaps, cheeks. Yeah,
Still does. yeah, he still You still? Yeah, still does. I mean, does. He still that's called that's does that, yeah, crazy. they call them, Yeah, You he put it on Lewis's would you do shoulder before.
whatever you could to stop that from happening?
he's had two surgeries, two anal correctives, Really, like, yeah, like, like, scrape out the shit surgeries, dude, scrape out the fucking.
So what's the issue?
I think they come back. I think he's dude, he's like a violent.
he's so feral that he has to get his anal glands expressed like a dog.
I think he spends too much time, like he's That a, he's a thief. Oh yeah,
picture's amazing. Oh my god, that picture's amazing. What are you wearing? Saint yeah, that's Pet? Chain shirt my son's, that's my that's son's. The tree f-
is gone.
oh my god. The Tricothon Oh my god, Tricothon, dude, that's terrible took his shirt to be wearing lunch. in that photo. Oh my god, bleaching Oh, dude, Ari's asshole trailer.
Ari maybe maybe is leaving the biggest stamp in stand-up comedy, even without being an arena act or anything, just the biggest
for sure.
stamp, I mean, as far as affecting people's lives around him. he's an animal
It's also he's living his life the way he wants to live it,
It's awesome.
which is like, so commend. It's like, S. It's the purest definition of success. He wakes up, opens his eyes, and he just does what he wants to do. he's. Yeah, He'll take off for six, six months, a year off his podcast. Like everyone's like, you gotta get out at the exact same time every week. Ari's like, Well, I'm just not gonna do I say it. He's like, he's like the he's there's,
the architect of his own happiness. He's created a world that he's like, This is what I wanna do. This is the best version of me. This is what makes me happy, and that that's what I wanna do.
and it really works. And the thing is like, what really cemented him, other than this is not happening, the show that he did on Comedy Central was his special. Jew. That fucking special is amazing, amazing. it is great, it's I was there really f- it's taping, watching him tape amazing. Yeah,
and I was like, This is beautiful.
and he worked so hard on it for so long. It was like the one thing that he really concentrated because he had a very specific subject to write material on, and it was so rock solid, man. And then the whole thing happened with Kobe Bryant. He stopped doing it for a while. I'm like, Bro, you gotta bring that back, you gotta release that as a special, and then he released that as a special. It's like, Oh, Huge this guy's snorers.
Yeah, rock solid, he, yeah. He moved rock solid.
to New York and became like an elite-level comedian, like he, he just, yeah, like Ari was always good, but then he came to New York. And like, his stand-up is so fucking, it's so good.
Well, I think it also was part of that thing of doing what you wanna do. And he always wanted to be a New York City comedian. He like, even when he lived in LA. the idea of living in New York and doing comedy in New York bouncing was around, uh, that's what he wanted, and so that's what he did. And now, like, he's like, I wanna go to Asia for six months, no phone. He just abandons his phone, you can't get a hold of him.
And then every now and then, I would get like a text message, I'm wondering what's happening with blah, blah, blah. I'm like, What the fuck is this? And he didn't even tell me who it was, it was, Zari it was just, and then Uganda, Yeah, and then, like, three text messages later, Oh, this is Zari, by the way. I'm like, Oh, okay, where are you? I'm he's in Sarajevo, look at him,
he missed the 1st Skankfest ever last year, and he's he's coming back this year for where is he it. So he's now? he went to he's in New England. Tattagonia, wherever they you ever film been to Tarz-
Star Wars.
Tarzan? Oh, yeah, that's right, Tunisia Yeah, wherever right, s the
What the fuck, man? Yeah. I was That's wild.
Jus- curious. I was having a beer at the cantina on space.
Not only that, he'll do this shit by himself. Like, he's an animal. Yeah, he's And is he
Like, he's like, I'll get lost. I'll figure out Where I'm sleeping. Guy, I I'm like, I'm a plans guy.
Well, I mean, he's not pretending. That's the Thing. Like, that is who he is. It's fucking dope way to live your life.
He's a beautiful person, dude. He's getting chubby. He's
getting chubby. Jason is getting
Yeah. I saw him a chubby. Drink your Month ago in France, Beer. And he's like, I'm fat. Just so, you know, I'm like, Don't worry, dude. I'm way fatter than you are. You Don't have to worry about that.
Alright, fellas. Let's bring this bitch home. Uh, Skankfest. November 13th The greatest comedy
Through 15th.
Festival in the history of the That's Known universe.
Thank you.
Absolutely. Yeah. We're uh, single day passes. Saturday might be sold out at this point, but if you're especially if you're in the area, come get single day passes, skankfest. Com. Uh, yeah, I mean, it's Come for the gonna be
Comedy. Stay for Steve's dick. Yeah. Naked Yeah. Steve Steve
Roast, dude.
Steve Judges the naked roast every year. We do a naked roast battle where the comedians are all naked. All the judges are naked. No phones allowed. It's, uh
And it's me, Jason Ellis, who's got a hog that you've never even fucking seen, and then, like, a porn star. And it's like, uh and me. It sucks, dude.
Well, you got balls, bro. I I mean, I Literally.
Big ones. Yeah, he's got Yeah.
He's got decent balls.
But I have to s it's been 10 years. So it's like you once you see s me naked, it's like there's no more surprises. God. So one year, Don't say that, I put Ari's Dude. Home phone number on my back, and I would just turn around and flex for the audience. I did black dick one year. So We got a good one Every year. lined We got a lot Up. Every year, Of
I find a new part of you to love.
Yeah, we got a lot of really cool stuff at it's the 10th year anniversary. So and, uh, yeah, it's the last one we're doing in New Orleans for quite some time. So Well, It's gonna be I always a wild one.
Say the I think it's the best festival in comedy. It's the most wild, and free, and it's like just seems it's in the the spirit of just making people laugh,
Yeah, no industry.
Just having fun. We don't give And it's Any industry passes
out. Everyone's there to just have a good time.
And it's always sold out. It's always sold out. Like, people love it. They look forward to it every year. You guys are killing it. Thank you, So congrats Joe. And congratulations. Some big
Thank you, man.
News member. Thank you, bro. Appreciate That. Alright.
Fuck you.
Wrap it up.
Thank you.
Bye, bye.
See you, man.